I left my heart in a box on your doorstep. I don’t know if you will ever find it, or have use for it; but I don’t need it anymore. It is yours to keep.
2:45 am. I can’t sleep. I woke up from a dream – not a nightmare, but unsettling too. I keep trying to recall my dream, but it is gone – lost in the corners of my mind. I just know that I was wrong about something. I did the worst one can do when unable to sleep; I took my phone and checked notifications. I was on Twitter and on a whim, I unfollowed a couple of accounts, the one of my former favourite band too – turns out they are a bunch of pretentious bellends. It took me almost 20 years to see it. I still appreciate their music; it was the soundtrack of my life, and yet… I really don’t like the people they became. Or is it me?
Am I drifting away from the person I used to be? I feel empty and overflowing. Sad and happy. Tired and wide awake.
How did that happen? When did everything change?
In a little more than 2 hours my alarm will go off, and I need to go to work. Early shift. I like that – if only it started later, lol.
Birds are beginning to chirp outside (the window is open); my husband is snoring next to me, and my mind is thinking too loud.
Take off All your clothes, you ordered. There was not an ounce of doubt; not a flash of hesitation, I complied. You knew I was your puppet, and we both enjoyed it. I stripped, trying to be sensual, but being my clumsy self instead. Of course, I couldn’t get my skinny jeans off my feet. Of course, the hooks of my bra got caught in my hair. Of course, I blushed and wished I hadn’t started this at all. My confidence was hanging on a thinning threat; any moment now, the wrong word – or what I interpreted as the wrong word, would make me run.
Look at me! Another order. I wasn’t submissive, but your voice and the mood we had created in our sanctuary made me obey. I looked at you, and you were smiling. I could see that even though my performance had been underwhelming, your body was reacting to me as much as I was reacting to yours.
You got up from your chair. Large steps. Warm hands. Shivers. Kisses. Nibbles. Don’t move! I didn’t dare to move. I almost forgot how to breathe. I was your prey. You were the predator. You devoured me, and it was the most enjoyable torture I ever endured, entirely at your mercy — flames of lust licking at our souls until they were sticky and we were unable to break apart.
Sweetest taboo. Again and again. We were made of passionate desire; feeding off each other, until it became too much to bear and our hearts exploded; our souls imploded, and our remnants were scattered; blown in the wind — eternal stars on the night sky.
There is a time for everything and now is the time for me to say goodbye. I am much better off without you, my love. You knew it; I knew it too, but I needed time to understand. Oh, I am not worried, you will miss me forever. I will miss you too. There will never be a man I love as deeply as I loved you. There will never be a man who will be able to hurt me as much as you did. There will never be a man who lifted me up as much as you did. There will never be a man who will be allowed to see me as naked and stripped as you did.
From the first email to our last messages; three years of passion, of silent periods, of persistence, of manipulation passed. Three years that have changed me for the better. Three years I will never regret. Three years I will never forget. There is a time for everything. Even for goodbye.
Notice the different names… one is my real name, the other is my alias and the name of this blog too.
I offer signed copies of my books. Shipping in Europe is 2,90€. Shipping to the rest of the world is 4,10€. Payment should be made with PayPal.
I am still in the early days of this all and I am figuring it out as I am progressing. Learning by doing, it’s called, isn’t it.
When I stood in line at the post-office this afternoon, I had a thought that isn’t leaving me ever since: Evidence of my existence is being spread across the world right now. Isn’t that weird? My book will be in the hands of a reader in Brazil. His friends might be curious about the cover and even if they are not… if he doesn’t throw the book away, if it is not destroyed or sold into a different country, there will be a copy of my book in Brazil. It is such a humbling feeling. Exciting too.
Today, I shipped out to New South Wales (Australia), Brazil, Colorado (US), Texas (US), Manchester (UK), 2x London (UK), New York (US), Canada, Greece, Luxembourg. All these people will receive their signed copy of my book with a personal note inside.
If you want one too, get in touch… and we will make it happen.
I was approached to pay 100$ for 4 reviews… I declined. I know that I need publicity for my books, but I would rather have genuine reviews from people who willingly emerge themselves in my poetry than any other review.
Also, I finally dared to share the book with my family and friends on FB. The support was surprising. A member of our regional council offered to sell Unquiet Minds at our town hall in support of the local arts. Apparently, I am only one of two published authors in my municipality. We’ll see where that leads.
And, I have to admit that I am a huge coward though… My neighbour offered to sell my book to friends and whoever enters her bar. I don’t know her well. Only drank twice with her, lol. I didn’t dare to bring her the copies she asked for. I feel weird doing it, although I also know that her offer is genuine. Just the act of ringing the bell at a neighbour’s who you don’t know all that well and asking for such a huge favour… it’s not in my nature. So, if you would like to help me out here, be my guest. I am one of those who stands in her own ways too many times. But, whatever… this is not one of those posts.
Remember, shipping worldwide. Signed if you want to. Or simply order on amazon. It is good contemporary poetry. Give it a try.
Thank you, Cathy
So… Today I did something quite impulsive… I published a book. It is pay what you want and if you are a regular reader you might have seen this or that entry before. But… I would love it if you took a look. The book is pay what you want. If you can, give a little change, if you don’t, please just share the book with your friends.
I am excited and freaking out at the same time.
Here are the links.
Catherine Micqu’s Smashwords Author Profile: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/micqu
PS: it’s National Day in Luxembourg. We are celebrating our Grand-Duke’s birthday.