It was me

I am looking at you with new eyes
Trying to understand who is hiding under this disguise
Was it me all along?
And what about that new song?

I am standing in the rain
Hoping that it will wash my blindness down the drain
Was it me all along?
And were your emotions that strong?

I am listening to your voice
Hearing that you never had any other choice
Was it me all along?
And were all the others wrong?

I am melting against your touch
Understanding what you confessed; very much
It was me all along!
And in your arms, I do belong!

To drown or to swim

I was drowning but taught myself how to swim

I had all the tools I needed locked somewhere within

It was hard to breathe, to move, and to be

But finally, the ocean released me; free.

I was emerging stronger and brighter than before

I fought hard until I reached the safe shore

The change didn’t happen over night, and I am afraid it will not last;

But there is light, even though I remember the past.

I am afraid to rise and to fall; to lose it all

There is a crack in the wall; and right now, it is still small

But someday, I will be freed of my mind and not hiding within

Although I know well that to drown is easier than to swim.

Around the clock

I met you in January

Introducing myself as Carrie.

I fell in love in February

With a man called Harry.

We dated all through March

First kissed underneath an arch.

We made love every day in April

But then I learnt about Jill.

After your confession in May,

I asked you to go away.

I drank away the month of June

My mind was clouded every afternoon.

We ran into each other in July

After that, I couldn’t help but cry.

I called you in August

You promised everything would be all good.

The rain drenched us in September

Our lust was reignited like ember.

By October

I was completely sober.

It was cold in November

But our love had become tender.

On the last day of December

You said: “Listen and Remember!

I loved you every month this year

Without you, something was missing, dear.”

The clock was ticking and happy days were plenty

“Marry me!” My mind was blank and empty

But I whispered “Yes”; and so it began

The rest of our lives with you as my man.

Happily ever after, we grew old together

And our love stayed light as feather.

No mountain was ever too high

And if it was we spread our wings to fly

No ocean was ever too deep

And if it was, we came up with solutions in our sleep.

Year’s later, our lights are becoming dim

But my heart will always and forever beg me to swim

To you,

Until my eyes and your eyes are closed forever. That much is true.

behind the curtain

My curtains are drawn, and I peer out to see
The happy people, they are not like me.
I must remain hidden and out of view
Where I thrive on small things like the sky that’s blue.
I want what they have; it doesn’t seem too much
I crave it, but I am scared of the human touch.
Whoever I am is fading away, night after day
The voice is silent; no one says, “please, stay.”
I can’t get rid of the stains of sadness on my skin
My soul is rotten, and I am trapped within.
Let me out of this living hell. Let me out!
But my walls are too high; no one hears me when I shout.
In plain sight, I am drowning in a river of emotions
Letting go of the curtain, the river becomes an ocean.
These feelings are a layer of dust in my brain,
Making me believe that my existence is in vain.
But it is not; I may be far away, but I am still here.
See me! Like me! Love me! Don’t be afraid to come near.
Behind drawn curtains, I am beginning to see,
Smiles hide existential battles; happy people are the same as me.

willow trees

Countless thoughts scattered in willow trees,

No importance; a storm turned into a breeze.

Old wishes, discarded on a shooting star,

Drinking their sorrows away in a cheap bar.

Time is running through our hands like sand,

We are living to die in the end.

The beginning and the end and everything in between,

Life is not what we are shown on the silver screen.

Colourful emotions, contradictions and tautologies,

To myself, I wish I could whisper apologies.

Drowning on a mountain, flying in the sea,

Dreams blossom like thoughts scattered in willow trees.

Don’t ignore me.

Diamonds trying to outshine the dark, but

Only light can make them spark.

Novelty has worn off

Too many times we’ve gone soft.

*

Ingrained, but never imagined in our wildest dreams, how we are

Growing together, and secretly falling apart at our seams.

Nothing can contain our lust

Other than the chains that must

Reign us in, and keep us caged;

Endlessly devoted to a love that hasn’t aged.

*

Millions of thoughts keep us apart;

Emotions and memories – forever locked away in my heart.

a final leap

I’m coming home, she said. 
But it was a lie
Words whispered at night into the sky.
The blues tugged at the corners of her being
If only the right one could be there, seeing.
But he never was.
Another human mind asleep
Never thinking or getting in too deep.
And as the wind invited her to join the never ending dance of life,
She let out a wail and jumped into the light.
This time, the words she had spoken had been true,
Hadn’t there been someone, someone new.
Without intent, he saved her from a graceless fall
Together they stood on the ledge of a wall.
I want to go home, she whispered.
Nodding, he took her hand
Together they took a leap into a foreign land.
Faded and jaded from years spent in misery,
These strangers joined each other for the rest of eternity.
Home is not a building made of bricks and stone
It is the person, that feeling we have when we aren’t alone.

my brightest star

Stolen kisses,
lots of them
A thousand misses
Again and again.

Cover my bruised heart
With sinful heat
Allow us a new start
You can take the lead.

The rhythm guides our moves
Undulating, thrusting;
The lovers’ groove
Never everlasting.

A blanket of sweat
Covers you and me
Allow me that;
Mark me with your seed.

Oh how I crave your touch
The blissful release
It doesn’t take too much
You get me there, with ease.

You between my thighs
You bring me peace
Never felt a higher high
Let me come, please.

I feel you inside
No protection at all
My eyes water with pride
As I suffer the final fall.

Some consider us a sin
But you are the best part of me
Completing me from within,
The one who opened my eyes to see.

I give myself to you
Heart, mind and soul
Give me yourself too
And I will fill your holes.

This is your song
You know who you are.
I haven’t known you for very long
But you are my brightest star.

I’m still loving you

Overflowing

Underflowing

I don’t know where I am going.

Would you catch me if I ran?

Would you take me back again?

Overwhelming

Underwhelming

Say something; tell me

That I am in your heart

And that I inspire your art.

Exploding

Imploding

I can still feel you under my skin.

Life is not the same without your light

Let me fall asleep in your arms; hold me tight.

###

unfulfilled wish

I was wishing upon a star to find a place in the middle of your heart

I was wishing and wishing and wishing

But all I got was an insult and the courage to make a new start.

The star knew better than to grant my wish

I was crying and crying and crying

My tears became a salty river for the fish.

The middle of your heart was filled with love for an other

I finally understood

There was no need to repeat my wish, I was too good to be your secret lover.

And so I looked at the night sky and thanked the shooting star

I smiled and smiled and laughed

An unfulfilled wish was what I needed to see who you really are.