I will grow

My hands are tied
My mind is lost
As I run naked through the night
And surrender to the frost.

There is no place for you
No trust to give
It was never about us two
But, I will live.

Let me freeze for now,
My heart will thaw soon
I will go on somehow
And send our love to the moon.

For years you darkened my thoughts
Please allow me some happiness too.
Feel some pain over my loss
And remember how my life and love used to be just for you.

Words and pages written, all meant for you
But they stayed silent and unread,
We know it is true.
“Everything is okay,” you said.

As the frost on my face turns into tears,
I mourn what we never were
But I will not regret our years.
Even with you never really being there.

One last kiss to make me breathe again
One last kiss to say goodbye
One last kiss to keep me sane
One last kiss before I learn to fly.

Take away my fear

I wish you were here to take away my fear

Knowing that you are just around the corner

A touch and a swipe on the screen away

Today, I need you to be here in my ear

I need to hear your voice, your words

Just for me and for you; you and me and you

Your guidance would help me through this struggle

Giving away my thoughts and my control

I feel this mind is losing a battle again

But I don’t dare to get in touch with you

I can’t burden you with my egoism

But…

I wish you were here to take away this fear

The truth seeps in

I stand in a corner afraid to fall apart My dress comes undone at its seams And the truth seeps in. Your hands cover my heart They must be feeling the distress. Don’t leave. I look at you the moment I wake I feel as if I am standing in a corner My legs don’t know any way out And the truth seeps in. Your eyes bore into my soul They must feel what I am not saying. Please leave. And the leaves fall from the trees And the rain pours out of the clouds And we don’t know in which direction to go. And the truth seeps in.

Still in love with you

Sore
Thoughts.
Invisible
Lines.
Lovesick.

Inner light
Never bright.

Little known truths
Of love. Loss.
Vulnerable. Almost unbearable.
Empty heart. Heartbroken.

Words lick my skin
Inside. Craving the sin.
These truths became fantasies
Heaven weeps. Lost minds?

Yielding strength. We gave up.
Old wounds become new scars.
Untouchable thoughts. Forever hidden memories.

(Dedicated to my best friend who passed away two years ago. He shared the Thin Lizzy song “still in love with you” with me one night. (Sharing music was our thing.) I listened to that song earlier and that’s what inspired this poem.)

Hurt

One leap and
You’ll be free
But you fear the hurt

The hurt you’ll feel
The hurt I’ll feel.

If we changed directions now
Into the future, away from the past?

But I fear the hurt
The hurt I’ll feel
The hurt you’ll feel

You will not leap
I will not jump
Together, we fall

shadow of the ghost

I was trying to catch the shadow of a ghost and I was wondering why you kept slipping through my fingers.

The last time I saw the moon was when you and me were merged at the centre of our beings.

The last time I enjoyed the sun was when your perspiration mingled with mine.

I was trying to hold on to the stars but they faded every day at sunrise and you kept slipping through my fingers.

And I became blind and numb without you.
And I became blind and numb with you.

With you
Without you.

The moon. The sun. The shooting stars. The shadow of the ghost I was so in love with. They were a romantic illusion I held on to, while you gently slipped through my fingers.

Blueneck – ghosts (from the album The Outpost)

holes

‚ÄčThere are holes in the ground
Fill them with the debris of our love
Scattered fragments of our souls
Floating in a sea of tears.
This was not what we signed up for
Emotional baggage bringing us down.
Hauntingly whispered ditties ring in our ears
Out of tune,
Lost synchronicity
And what remains of who we were lies buried in the ground.

The end of the line

This is the end of the line
This is where I tie my noose.
I have been loosing my mind
But that’s okay, it lost its use.

I dance and I turn around and around
A manic laughter erupts from my face
My thoughts are now unbound
Lost in my lost mind’s maze.

Where is my mind?
It is drowning in a sea of forgotten memories.
The agony has turning me blind
But there is hope for recovery.

New hope under a different horizon
And the noose releases its grip around my neck
Isn’t life mesmerising?
I am back.

My weakness is how strong I can be
My earthly vessel is my kingdom
With blind eyes I can clearly see
Incoherent thoughts fuel my wisdom.

I can’t let go
Broken mind and closed off heart
I won’t say “no”
New dawn. New start.

pictures of us

This is me when I’m with you
and this is me when I am not.
I still believe that we can be in tune
And I pretend to miss you a lot.
Pictures of us

This is how I imagine you to be
and this is who you really are
I am not blind, I can see
There is a new model waiting at the bar.
Pictures of us

This is how we fell apart
and these are the tears we shared
I’ll still keep a space in my heart
where we don’t need to be scared.
Pictures of us

This is how we moved on
and this is who we became
Both of us are strong
Too many times we were the same.
Pictures of us

This is me when you’re not there
and this is my freed mind.
I stood in front of you, bare
and you saw, you were not blind.
Pictures of us

This is me and the happiness that was your gift
and this is you living under clouds
It is me who is missed
whose face you will not see in crowds.
Pictures of us

This is me and I will not forget
and this is you, you are all set.
I promised no regret
Thankfully staying in your debt.
Pictures of us

This is me when I am in the dark
and this is me when I am the light
You ignited the first spark
I drink up the night.
Pictures of us

This is how it used to be
and this is how it really was
frames filled with memories
loving them just because (they are)
pictures of us.

unlocked cage

I still taste you on my lips, you, the one who left me reeling
I cherish what you left and accept that you don’t share my feeling.
I push you out of my soul
If it just wouldn’t leave a gaping hole
But it is okay
What else am I supposed to say?!
You vanished in thin air
Where you ever there?
I guess I was in this alone,
Available for a couple of moans.
I say goodbye for now and erase you from my page
But I admit, I am still waiting in your cage.
How is it possible that I fell for you?
Someone who knows only his own view?
You brought the light and stole it again
You were the ink in my pen.
Did you ever appreciate who I became for you?
Or was I right and I am one of a few?
I let you see me in all my glory
And shared my life’s story.
I was too blind to see that you never cared about me
That I was just another fish in the sea.
I am done waiting for you to use me again
Forgotten. You. Me. Us. Goodbye.

Hurricane

Hush little sweetie…
Under these covers we hide;
Ready to experience our secret desires.
Raw and feral lust overtaking –
Inside of me everything is overheating, pulsing
Continuous moans whispered in heat
Ah… Don’t stop the waves from flooding my body.
Night and day and dark and light
Everlasting lust ties us together in this hurricane love.

the road

I’ve been on this road for many years
Trying to forget all those tears.
And in the deepest low
Behind the darkest glow,
Hope was always hiding
A light was always shining.

I’ve been on this road, walking endless miles
Ignoring the past’s echoes and its cries.
And as I stopped and sat down
It took me a moment to understand that there were new friends in town.
My restless travels and my frantic searching were in vain
This was where I wanted to be stayin’.

I’ve been down that road so many times
Creating stories and words in my minds.
And in the shining sun
When I felt like I needed to run,
I found solace in my broken thoughts,
Tying together their fraying knots.

But this is not the end of the road,
This traveler’s pace has just been slowed.
Soaking in the beautiful landscape
Even the one that was manmade.
Just resting my weary eyes
And listening to the path the soul takes when it flies…

Spirits in need near the edge of lust

Spirits in need
Under crumbling bridges.
Bring back whatever it is you stole;
My love, my lust, my gentle touch.
Iridescent stars light the way
Shining on – and guiding our lost minds.
Souls meeting in silent understanding,
Intuition tells us what we need to do.
Our selves lose importance
Near the edge of lust.

(could this poem be an acrostic?! Yes, maybe, certainly, it is!)

untitled (suggestions welcome)

Leaves dancing in the rain
Sun licking the morning dew;
Reflections in the window pane
Grey skies turning blue.

Behind a concealing mask
Feelings are an uncomfortable mess,
To understand is an unbearable task
And it’s easier to leave than to stay, I guess.

Toxic thoughts and actions;
Driving‚Äč so-called friends away
Understanding their reactions
But missing them forever and a day.

More light in the dark
More tears in an ocean
Another life’s mark
Overcome by emotion.

A head full of spinning thoughts
Cowering in the corner of my mind
To unfurl their knots.
Once again, I am left behind.

A soap bubble of for never
Floating up to the clouds
A memory to stay forever
Hidden from the crowds.

I am the shadow in my light
I am the hope in my despair
But after my lastest sleepless night
I can say that I am still there.

At night everything is different

Gloomy thoughts
Under lilac trees
No orange hues
Illuminating the streets.

Heavy scents
Leading the ways
Enchanting words
Enticing games.

Pictures that no one will see
Songs that will never be heard
Nonsense makes sense
And she loses direction in life’s labyrinth.

Hidden messages
In plain sight
Words whispered
In the stillness of the night.

Walking under shadows
Past willow trees
Invisible happiness
Found on her knees.

Iridescent internal life
Completed by imperfections
Darkness becomes light
It has always been you.

Please, don’t disappear

Pure lust
Left our hearts bleeding
Ends came too soon
And I keep wondering if I bruised your
Soul more than I will ever know.
Everything happened too fast.

Did we play a game and lost
Or did we fall and failed to be caught?
Not you me? Not me you?
Talk to me!

Dreams were shattered
Ice cold water drenched us from within
Seldom did I feel this protective and worried
And I want you to be here
Please, don’t disappear.
Pounding hope, inside
Eyes filled with fear.
And I wish I could 
Reach out to make you see they way I see.

Fragile

IMG_20170430_120144_852.jpg

Wrapped in a blanket of tears
It came without warning
And makes no sense at all.

The guitar is bleeding
And the ink is drowning in a well
So many untold secrets.

Tighter
Again
Again

Where have all the voices gone?
Maybe they found the noose?
Because nothing was ever enough.

Woven memories that we don’t remember
What are we looking for?
Decaying thoughts with no meaning.

Higher
Again
Again

Do we want more?
We want less
Of everything. Of us.

Our footsteps are blown in the wind
Dust and forgotten souls
We are dragged forward to meet our final day.

Wider
Again
Again

The wings of our souls are spread
Reaching but never quite touching the other within
Endless tries to connect.

Reasons ceased to exist a long time ago
Hollow shells wandering hand in hand
Turn into lightening in the sand.

 

 

the rainbow’s nook

Rivulets of emotions
Growing into a rushing brook
Year in and year out I’m going through the motions
Hiding inside every rainbow’s nook.

As the earth unfolds its verdure
The sun turns into a comforting embrace
The birds singing their songs without allure
And the trees are standing tall in all their grace.

I feel my spirits awaken
And letting go of winter’s thoughts
My foolishness forsaken
As I accept my lovable flaws.

The wind and the weather;
They cannot bring you back
My heart floats like a feather
Mending my soul’s crack.

The spring’s healing powers
Are filling my being
As I stop to smell the flowers
Finally feeling life’s new meaning.

I can breathe without you by my side
And push the clouds off my mind
I don’t need the rainbow to hide
Because spring finds me refined.

when the love has gone

There is an ocean between us
Filled with our tears
Sadness and regrets
All washed up on the shore.

The distance is growing into a road
Paved with silence
Thoughts and lost passion
Driving us farther away from home.

The bags on our shoulders are heavy
Packed with longing
Memories and grief
Bringing us down on our knees.

The waves are swallowing what is left of us
Drinking it in
Forgetting and forgiving
Until our path brings us together again.

The wind blows away our differences
Far far away
Higher and higher
Before they will vanish into nothing.

The ocean turns into a puddle
Obstacles easy to overcome
Past and future
And a friendship will bloom.