rainbows

I tasted the rainbow on your aroused skin

I remember nooks, crannies and every part within

A life lived so many moans ago

However, the scars can only fade but never go

Years later, I still wake up

Heart pounding, erratic breathing, when does it stop ?

Memories of you are hiding behind my eyes

But I cannot distinguish between truth and lies

We lost too many pieces of our souls

Soaked from gaping wounds and dripping from their holes.

If the rain knew how to resurrect the last bits of me

The sun would kiss your cheeks and set you free.

#tbt poem – hands on my skin

(August 2018)

Feverish dreams
Tossing and turning
The past and the future
No lessons I am learning.

Hands on my skin
I cannot push them away
Taken against my will
“Stop,” I whisper and pray.

But you didn’t stop
And you never will
I move on
I am standing still.

Twenty years later
You are still in me
You made me who I am
I will never be free.

Forced inside my body
Tattooed where you have been
I was fifteen when you had
your hands on my skin.

Vulnerable and emotional
Most days I grace you with silence
I don’t want to remember
You and your violence.

But today a friend told his story
And I feel brave this very instant too
It is not easy to speak;
To validate you.

I never forgot you and your smell,
I never will
Haunted in my dreams
Feeling the old chill.

You will never leave my soul
And no matter how far I run
You are already there
Declaring “this was fun.”

I was a victim of your lust
Not strong enough to kick you off
But a lot of time has passed
Is my forgiveness me being soft?

I don’t think it is
But I deserve more than the past
I own my present and the future too;
A future that will last.

When I want to give up
Your voice is part of the reason
It is hard not to give in
It is a battle to live to see another season.

Feverish dreams
Tossing and turning
These are old memories
Yet they are still burning.

Too many men and women survived the same ordeal
Superheroes in their own right
Broken but strong enough to see
Life is not made of darkness; it is made of light.

forget these pieces of me

I am made of music and melodies

Of movies and quotes

Of pictures and memories

I am made of words and books.

.

Through my body flows blood and ink

Curiosity and inspiration

Fantasy and imagination

Through my body flows lightness and darkness.

.

Inhale / exhale

Eat / drink

Asleep / awake

Everything / nothing.

.

I am intense and push you away

I am sensitive and want you to stay

I am sensual and have a lusty heart, but

I am also a fragile piece of art.

To drown or to swim

I was drowning but taught myself how to swim

I had all the tools I needed locked somewhere within

It was hard to breathe, to move, and to be

But finally, the ocean released me; free.

I was emerging stronger and brighter than before

I fought hard until I reached the safe shore

The change didn’t happen over night, and I am afraid it will not last;

But there is light, even though I remember the past.

I am afraid to rise and to fall; to lose it all

There is a crack in the wall; and right now, it is still small

But someday, I will be freed of my mind and not hiding within

Although I know well that to drown is easier than to swim.

In the blink of an eye

Awoken by the sound of an eyelash shed from its safe home;
Floating to the pillow that which is loaded with secret dreams and memories
A puff of sleepy breath prolongs its descend into oblivion,
Hiding it from the world; making it disappear – as if it didn’t mean anything at all.

Do you remember?

Do you remember the days when all we were was enough?

Do you remember the bliss, the joy, the laughter, and the scorching heat?

Where did we go?

When did we leave us behind?

Do you remember how I sound and what I taste like?

Do you remember that I promised forever?

When did we lose our selves?

Where did we go?

Do you remember?

Around the clock

I met you in January

Introducing myself as Carrie.

I fell in love in February

With a man called Harry.

We dated all through March

First kissed underneath an arch.

We made love every day in April

But then I learnt about Jill.

After your confession in May,

I asked you to go away.

I drank away the month of June

My mind was clouded every afternoon.

We ran into each other in July

After that, I couldn’t help but cry.

I called you in August

You promised everything would be all good.

The rain drenched us in September

Our lust was reignited like ember.

By October

I was completely sober.

It was cold in November

But our love had become tender.

On the last day of December

You said: “Listen and Remember!

I loved you every month this year

Without you, something was missing, dear.”

The clock was ticking and happy days were plenty

“Marry me!” My mind was blank and empty

But I whispered “Yes”; and so it began

The rest of our lives with you as my man.

Happily ever after, we grew old together

And our love stayed light as feather.

No mountain was ever too high

And if it was we spread our wings to fly

No ocean was ever too deep

And if it was, we came up with solutions in our sleep.

Year’s later, our lights are becoming dim

But my heart will always and forever beg me to swim

To you,

Until my eyes and your eyes are closed forever. That much is true.

That’s the way my love feels (throwback poetry)

June 2016

My love is like the rain. Starting as a drizzle. Turning into a cloudburst. It soaks you to your bone.

My love is like a cherry. A small bud that turns into a blossom. And then it turns into delicious fruit.

My love is like a song. A melody once heard; it turns into the most important piece of music ever played.

My love is like sand. Graced with lightning, it becomes a work of art. One of its kind.

My love is like spring. New and beautiful. Filled with tears too?

My love is like summer. Hot and passionate. Searing heat burns my skin.

My love is like autumn. A breeze. Comforting. Ever changing.

My love is frail and filled with desire. Not with demands, but with longing for an everlasting story.

My love is like the words I write. For you. Only for you. Raw. Unmasked. All consuming.

My love is hidden underneath layers of fears and doubts. But it is not hopeless. It can easily be found and uncovered.

My love is your love. That’s the way it feels.