secrets that make my skin tingle
and put a smile on my face.
secrets that make my heart race
and make my stomach churn.
secrets that no one will ever know.
secrets that no one will ever believe.
repeating the words just for my ears
repeating the promise just for your eyes.
secrets that will be our downfall
secrets that make us rise.
You made me your secret.
And secretly, I adore you for that.
(tbt – December 2015)
who will put flowers on my grave?
who will be there on my final days?
and when I am gone
when I sang my final song,
who will take flowers to my grave?
In the rain
waiting to be washed away,
like the fading flowers on my grave.
and there I wait
for my ultimate fate
and I see your flowers on my grave.
*inspired by the song Flowers by Antimatter*
If you look at me, please see me. If you see me for the person that I am, please love me.
If you listen to me, please hear me. If you hear my words, please understand them.
If you want me, don’t hold back. If you don’t hold back, I will be all yours.
This is actually no fiction. This is all me in my most vulnerable state. I am afraid to be invisible, invaluable, used…
I can’t because this is real and I am not asleep.
Ghost of the Night.
And when I said that I would not be leaving
I had one foot out of the door.
There was no way to start the healing
with you lying on my floor.
Your sweet scent and your honey words
Are sticky on my skin.
You want the best of both worlds
But never asked if I was in.
And as the years passed
And my love slowly faded away
Our kisses became chaste
While you whispered in your sleep ‘please stay’.
I can’t be who I am not
Even though I might not know who stares at me through the mirror
I miss who I was
If I could just remember it clearer.
I’ll have to let you go
Before I’m ready to return
Before I can admit to know
Before my soul stops to burn.
I see you lying where I left you
And bend down for a kiss
In this moment I understand our truth
It doesn’t have to be perfect to be bliss.
Without you, too many parts of me are empty
Too many thoughts are left unthought
An angel that heavens sent me
To create our very own smut.
Yes, it is boring when you are not here
And my arms are cold
When you are not near.
I promise, I am fully yours again to have and to hold.
Forever is for never
And we both know it well
And maybe it is most clever
If we keep this between us; promise to never tell.
My naked soul molds perfectly against yours
We waited for hours and a day
Now we are too close
To what we want to run away.
Lies and lines
Written and told
As long as the sun shines (on us)
Our love will be gold.
Open eyes and open heart
The storm is you.
My breath of life belongs to you.
But I claim it back
I need it too.
Roughed up by the wind
Bruised in hidden places.
The cloud is you.
My tears are yours.
But I claim them again.
I need them for myself too,
For I am the sun and the light and the moon and the stars…
I am the beauty, high up in the sky.
Gently put your teeth in me
Devour me from within
All is lost
As if I had never been.
There was a moment when all she ever wanted was to be remembered. Now, she began to wonder if being forgotten wasn’t a better choice. Remembering someone was too often linked with painful thoughts. She wanted more for the people she loved. They deserved better than her.
I was trying to catch the shadow of a ghost and I was wondering why you kept slipping through my fingers.
The last time I saw the moon was when you and me were merged at the centre of our beings.
The last time I enjoyed the sun was when your perspiration mingled with mine.
I was trying to hold on to the stars but they faded every day at sunrise and you kept slipping through my fingers.
And I became blind and numb without you.
And I became blind and numb with you.
The moon. The sun. The shooting stars. The shadow of the ghost I was so in love with. They were a romantic illusion I held on to, while you gently slipped through my fingers.
Blueneck – ghosts (from the album The Outpost)
This is the end of the line
This is where I tie my noose.
I have been loosing my mind
But that’s okay, it lost its use.
I dance and I turn around and around
A manic laughter erupts from my face
My thoughts are now unbound
Lost in my lost mind’s maze.
Where is my mind?
It is drowning in a sea of forgotten memories.
The agony has turning me blind
But there is hope for recovery.
New hope under a different horizon
And the noose releases its grip around my neck
Isn’t life mesmerising?
I am back.
My weakness is how strong I can be
My earthly vessel is my kingdom
With blind eyes I can clearly see
Incoherent thoughts fuel my wisdom.
I can’t let go
Broken mind and closed off heart
I won’t say “no”
New dawn. New start.
This is me when I’m with you
and this is me when I am not.
I still believe that we can be in tune
And I pretend to miss you a lot.
Pictures of us
This is how I imagine you to be
and this is who you really are
I am not blind, I can see
There is a new model waiting at the bar.
Pictures of us
This is how we fell apart
and these are the tears we shared
I’ll still keep a space in my heart
where we don’t need to be scared.
Pictures of us
This is how we moved on
and this is who we became
Both of us are strong
Too many times we were the same.
Pictures of us
This is me when you’re not there
and this is my freed mind.
I stood in front of you, bare
and you saw, you were not blind.
Pictures of us
This is me and the happiness that was your gift
and this is you living under clouds
It is me who is missed
whose face you will not see in crowds.
Pictures of us
This is me and I will not forget
and this is you, you are all set.
I promised no regret
Thankfully staying in your debt.
Pictures of us
This is me when I am in the dark
and this is me when I am the light
You ignited the first spark
I drink up the night.
Pictures of us
This is how it used to be
and this is how it really was
frames filled with memories
loving them just because (they are)
pictures of us.
I still taste you on my lips, you, the one who left me reeling
I cherish what you left and accept that you don’t share my feeling.
I push you out of my soul
If it just wouldn’t leave a gaping hole
But it is okay
What else am I supposed to say?!
You vanished in thin air
Where you ever there?
I guess I was in this alone,
Available for a couple of moans.
I say goodbye for now and erase you from my page
But I admit, I am still waiting in your cage.
How is it possible that I fell for you?
Someone who knows only his own view?
You brought the light and stole it again
You were the ink in my pen.
Did you ever appreciate who I became for you?
Or was I right and I am one of a few?
I let you see me in all my glory
And shared my life’s story.
I was too blind to see that you never cared about me
That I was just another fish in the sea.
I am done waiting for you to use me again
Forgotten. You. Me. Us. Goodbye.
Spirits in need
Under crumbling bridges.
Bring back whatever it is you stole;
My love, my lust, my gentle touch.
Iridescent stars light the way
Shining on – and guiding our lost minds.
Souls meeting in silent understanding,
Intuition tells us what we need to do.
Our selves lose importance
Near the edge of lust.
(could this poem be an acrostic?! Yes, maybe, certainly, it is!)
Leaves dancing in the rain
Sun licking the morning dew;
Reflections in the window pane
Grey skies turning blue.
Behind a concealing mask
Feelings are an uncomfortable mess,
To understand is an unbearable task
And it’s easier to leave than to stay, I guess.
Toxic thoughts and actions;
Driving so-called friends away
Understanding their reactions
But missing them forever and a day.
More light in the dark
More tears in an ocean
Another life’s mark
Overcome by emotion.
A head full of spinning thoughts
Cowering in the corner of my mind
To unfurl their knots.
Once again, I am left behind.
A soap bubble of for never
Floating up to the clouds
A memory to stay forever
Hidden from the crowds.
I am the shadow in my light
I am the hope in my despair
But after my lastest sleepless night
I can say that I am still there.
Under lilac trees
No orange hues
Illuminating the streets.
Leading the ways
Pictures that no one will see
Songs that will never be heard
Nonsense makes sense
And she loses direction in life’s labyrinth.
In plain sight
In the stillness of the night.
Walking under shadows
Past willow trees
Found on her knees.
Iridescent internal life
Completed by imperfections
Darkness becomes light
It has always been you.
There is an ocean between us
Filled with our tears
Sadness and regrets
All washed up on the shore.
The distance is growing into a road
Paved with silence
Thoughts and lost passion
Driving us farther away from home.
The bags on our shoulders are heavy
Packed with longing
Memories and grief
Bringing us down on our knees.
The waves are swallowing what is left of us
Drinking it in
Forgetting and forgiving
Until our path brings us together again.
The wind blows away our differences
Far far away
Higher and higher
Before they will vanish into nothing.
The ocean turns into a puddle
Obstacles easy to overcome
Past and future
And a friendship will bloom.
The moon is blinding me
Hiding our sin
I am not sure if I am okay
If I could just see…
If I kiss the sweat off your skin
Could our love see another day?
If we drowned in the sea
Or let the sun wear us thin
What if the love let us sway?
How wrong could that be?
Would we believe the voices within?
And would we take a chance to let our love stay?
How many days until we are free?
How many lost battles until we win?
There has to be a way.
Pale and unseen
Crumbled and bruised
So many ways
To be de-creased, uncreased.
But no one is there
To pull at the edges
Of your sheet.
Too many lit fires 🔥
Too many coffee stains
Not a blank page anymore
There is room left
To write a new story
Once, dreams brought solace to the struggling mind
Now it just deepens the sorrow, destroying hopes with nightmares.
Nights used to be an escape
But the loneliness is amplified by the silence that surrounds the jaded soul.
I grant you this teardrop
it is my last emotion for you.
Take the memories when you close the door
and erase the broken melodies.
Our friendship is forever stained
and it will never be how it was.
You moved on
and I am still right here.
I’ll make the same mistakes again
countless times and more
Take this last teardrop from me,
lock it up and keep it safe
no need to say sorry
it is just another lonely goodbye.
Empty vessel in my skin
You close the door
And I am not here
There is no way out of this cage
Nothing left to chose
Yet everything left to lose
Call for my mind
But don’t hurt me again
I can’t bear the pain
Please, don’t leave me behind.
With you gone
I turn to the riverman
To give a helping hand
To take me away at dawn.
And the river understands the silent words
It remembers where you are
And that we will always remain close, never far
We became sherds.
Cut bleeding on this broken love
Our dreams became nightmares
Lovesongs pushed down the steepest stairs
Why couldn’t we rise above?
What happened to all those rhymes you whispered at night?
Your voice belongs to another one
Your light became another one’s sun
And I keep searching for you, far and wide.
Our year wasn’t wasted
But I can’t find the words to say
Your lips were the sweetest I have ever tasted.
I cower in the corner of my mind
Wishing myself into your arms
Where there is no one inflicting never healing harms
Please come back – I am there; easy to find.