I will grow

My hands are tied
My mind is lost
As I run naked through the night
And surrender to the frost.

There is no place for you
No trust to give
It was never about us two
But, I will live.

Let me freeze for now,
My heart will thaw soon
I will go on somehow
And send our love to the moon.

For years you darkened my thoughts
Please allow me some happiness too.
Feel some pain over my loss
And remember how my life and love used to be just for you.

Words and pages written, all meant for you
But they stayed silent and unread,
We know it is true.
“Everything is okay,” you said.

As the frost on my face turns into tears,
I mourn what we never were
But I will not regret our years.
Even with you never really being there.

One last kiss to make me breathe again
One last kiss to say goodbye
One last kiss to keep me sane
One last kiss before I learn to fly.

Take away my fear

I wish you were here to take away my fear

Knowing that you are just around the corner

A touch and a swipe on the screen away

Today, I need you to be here in my ear

I need to hear your voice, your words

Just for me and for you; you and me and you

Your guidance would help me through this struggle

Giving away my thoughts and my control

I feel this mind is losing a battle again

But I don’t dare to get in touch with you

I can’t burden you with my egoism

But…

I wish you were here to take away this fear

Still in love with you

Sore
Thoughts.
Invisible
Lines.
Lovesick.

Inner light
Never bright.

Little known truths
Of love. Loss.
Vulnerable. Almost unbearable.
Empty heart. Heartbroken.

Words lick my skin
Inside. Craving the sin.
These truths became fantasies
Heaven weeps. Lost minds?

Yielding strength. We gave up.
Old wounds become new scars.
Untouchable thoughts. Forever hidden memories.

(Dedicated to my best friend who passed away two years ago. He shared the Thin Lizzy song “still in love with you” with me one night. (Sharing music was our thing.) I listened to that song earlier and that’s what inspired this poem.)

Hurt

One leap and
You’ll be free
But you fear the hurt

The hurt you’ll feel
The hurt I’ll feel.

If we changed directions now
Into the future, away from the past?

But I fear the hurt
The hurt I’ll feel
The hurt you’ll feel

You will not leap
I will not jump
Together, we fall

holes

​There are holes in the ground
Fill them with the debris of our love
Scattered fragments of our souls
Floating in a sea of tears.
This was not what we signed up for
Emotional baggage bringing us down.
Hauntingly whispered ditties ring in our ears
Out of tune,
Lost synchronicity
And what remains of who we were lies buried in the ground.

unlocked cage

I still taste you on my lips, you, the one who left me reeling
I cherish what you left and accept that you don’t share my feeling.
I push you out of my soul
If it just wouldn’t leave a gaping hole
But it is okay
What else am I supposed to say?!
You vanished in thin air
Where you ever there?
I guess I was in this alone,
Available for a couple of moans.
I say goodbye for now and erase you from my page
But I admit, I am still waiting in your cage.
How is it possible that I fell for you?
Someone who knows only his own view?
You brought the light and stole it again
You were the ink in my pen.
Did you ever appreciate who I became for you?
Or was I right and I am one of a few?
I let you see me in all my glory
And shared my life’s story.
I was too blind to see that you never cared about me
That I was just another fish in the sea.
I am done waiting for you to use me again
Forgotten. You. Me. Us. Goodbye.

Hurricane

Hush little sweetie…
Under these covers we hide;
Ready to experience our secret desires.
Raw and feral lust overtaking –
Inside of me everything is overheating, pulsing
Continuous moans whispered in heat
Ah… Don’t stop the waves from flooding my body.
Night and day and dark and light
Everlasting lust ties us together in this hurricane love.

the road

I’ve been on this road for many years
Trying to forget all those tears.
And in the deepest low
Behind the darkest glow,
Hope was always hiding
A light was always shining.

I’ve been on this road, walking endless miles
Ignoring the past’s echoes and its cries.
And as I stopped and sat down
It took me a moment to understand that there were new friends in town.
My restless travels and my frantic searching were in vain
This was where I wanted to be stayin’.

I’ve been down that road so many times
Creating stories and words in my minds.
And in the shining sun
When I felt like I needed to run,
I found solace in my broken thoughts,
Tying together their fraying knots.

But this is not the end of the road,
This traveler’s pace has just been slowed.
Soaking in the beautiful landscape
Even the one that was manmade.
Just resting my weary eyes
And listening to the path the soul takes when it flies…

Spirits in need near the edge of lust

Spirits in need
Under crumbling bridges.
Bring back whatever it is you stole;
My love, my lust, my gentle touch.
Iridescent stars light the way
Shining on – and guiding our lost minds.
Souls meeting in silent understanding,
Intuition tells us what we need to do.
Our selves lose importance
Near the edge of lust.

(could this poem be an acrostic?! Yes, maybe, certainly, it is!)

untitled (suggestions welcome)

Leaves dancing in the rain
Sun licking the morning dew;
Reflections in the window pane
Grey skies turning blue.

Behind a concealing mask
Feelings are an uncomfortable mess,
To understand is an unbearable task
And it’s easier to leave than to stay, I guess.

Toxic thoughts and actions;
Driving​ so-called friends away
Understanding their reactions
But missing them forever and a day.

More light in the dark
More tears in an ocean
Another life’s mark
Overcome by emotion.

A head full of spinning thoughts
Cowering in the corner of my mind
To unfurl their knots.
Once again, I am left behind.

A soap bubble of for never
Floating up to the clouds
A memory to stay forever
Hidden from the crowds.

I am the shadow in my light
I am the hope in my despair
But after my lastest sleepless night
I can say that I am still there.

Please, don’t disappear

Pure lust
Left our hearts bleeding
Ends came too soon
And I keep wondering if I bruised your
Soul more than I will ever know.
Everything happened too fast.

Did we play a game and lost
Or did we fall and failed to be caught?
Not you me? Not me you?
Talk to me!

Dreams were shattered
Ice cold water drenched us from within
Seldom did I feel this protective and worried
And I want you to be here
Please, don’t disappear.
Pounding hope, inside
Eyes filled with fear.
And I wish I could 
Reach out to make you see they way I see.

Fragile

IMG_20170430_120144_852.jpg

Wrapped in a blanket of tears
It came without warning
And makes no sense at all.

The guitar is bleeding
And the ink is drowning in a well
So many untold secrets.

Tighter
Again
Again

Where have all the voices gone?
Maybe they found the noose?
Because nothing was ever enough.

Woven memories that we don’t remember
What are we looking for?
Decaying thoughts with no meaning.

Higher
Again
Again

Do we want more?
We want less
Of everything. Of us.

Our footsteps are blown in the wind
Dust and forgotten souls
We are dragged forward to meet our final day.

Wider
Again
Again

The wings of our souls are spread
Reaching but never quite touching the other within
Endless tries to connect.

Reasons ceased to exist a long time ago
Hollow shells wandering hand in hand
Turn into lightening in the sand.

 

 

when the love has gone

There is an ocean between us
Filled with our tears
Sadness and regrets
All washed up on the shore.

The distance is growing into a road
Paved with silence
Thoughts and lost passion
Driving us farther away from home.

The bags on our shoulders are heavy
Packed with longing
Memories and grief
Bringing us down on our knees.

The waves are swallowing what is left of us
Drinking it in
Forgetting and forgiving
Until our path brings us together again.

The wind blows away our differences
Far far away
Higher and higher
Before they will vanish into nothing.

The ocean turns into a puddle
Obstacles easy to overcome
Past and future
And a friendship will bloom.

Hide

Let’s get high and high
Hide.
Let the wave swallow us
Hide.

Breathe me away
Drink what’s left of me
And when I’m resurrected
Let’s do it again.

Let’s get high and high
Hide.
Let the fantasy become reality
Hide.

Spit me out
Don’t touch my skin
And when I am wilted away
Let’s do it again.

Let’s get high and
Hide.

unfelt

​Empty tears fill a bottomless jar
I can hear the silence in the air
I can feel my soul disappear.
Hands cover my face.
Not there.
Hidden in the unknown.
Too many feelings were left unfelt
I turn into a shadow of myself after I melt…

you in me

Every raindrop on my skin
Reminds me of you
Of the sweat and its drops on me

Every teardrop kept inside
Reminds me of you
Of the best memories we shared

Every raindrop soaks my soul
The way you seeped into me
When we shared the sheets

Every teardrop shed in lost hope
Becomes an ocean
Drowning me whenever I forget to swim

Drops of us. Rain forever in my soul. Tears of happiness. Drops of you. All of you. Inside all of me.

I can’t wait to never see you again

​There was a hole in my soul and you fell right through

I cried my eyes out of their sockets and lost my brain in my pockets

Now I am the queen of my thoughts who calls the shots

Addicted to filling unfillabel voids and remembering a past of being soiled.

Naked, bare. Enduring the stare.

You dare to cut old wounds open and expect me to be broken?

I will find my mind and leave all this behind

I lock your pictures in the corner of my brain

And reassure you that you never ever deserved to be my man…

Wrong

​Wrong looks
Wrong words
Wrong thoughts
Wrong lives
Everything wrong.

Cast them out
Don’t allow them into our circle
They will infect our perfect world with imperfections.

What’s wrong with me?
Who made me this kind of wrong?
Why can’t my thoughts be less wrong?
Will I ever learn how not to be wrong?

I was wrong for too long.
It left me raw.
In their eyes my kind of wrong will never be right.

Judgement
Assessment
A leer
A sneer.

Turn life off. This is all wrong.