Randomness

I have a few passions… Writing, reading, and music.

I have an extensive collection of CDs, and it is growing steadily. Music is a must in my life. It calms me, helps my moods… It keeps me a little saner.

Since a couple of years, I am listening to vinyl. On the above picture is my vinyl collection. I keep it in a treasure chest. On the left is the pile I inherited from my mum. On the right is the pile of records I bought for myself or received as a gift.

My collection is not huge, but eclectic and it keeps growing. I love it.

💜

Piano Day 2019

It’s the 88th day of the year, that means it is piano day. Nils Frahm invented piano day, and it is on the 88th day because there are 88 keys on a piano.

And in honour of this day, I am sharing this with you.

Weikie (Adam Weikert) – Lantern

And I urge you to listen to James Radcliffe. If you follow this link, you will be able to find extraordinary blog posts and beautiful and intense music.

I wish you a beautiful day filled with good thoughts and beautiful music.

music – our ceasing voice

Today, I am sharing something special with you… The Austrian band Our Ceasing Voice. I chose three songs and they are all quite different.

Polaroids and Chinese Whispers (from the album “When the Headline Hit Home“, 2011)

 

with Matthew Ryan – until our chest explodes (from the album “That Last November“, 2013)

 

The Arsonist (from the album “Free Like Tonight“, 2017)

 

I really like that you can hear the evolution and change over the years, and yet, there is something that is still undeniably Our Ceasing Voice. I hope you enjoy it. If the first song is not for you, try the second or third.

Lots of love,

Cathy

I am made of…

…music.

Tonight I am.

Ups and downs. All the time. I had one very good week. I am not used to it and mentioned it many times. Then came the fall. It always does. Strangely, when it happens, and I try to reach out, no one is there – everyone is busy. Maybe that’s just a subjective feeling; I don’t know.

What I do know is that music is the most soothing thing for me when my mind is acting up.

I went on a date tonight. A movie date to see Bohemian Rhapsody. I grew up with music from Queen, and I know many songs. I read books about Freddie Mercury. Most notably the one by Jim Hutton. I like the band. I do. But I am not a superfan.

Hearing all those amazing songs in a movie theatre tonight was like balm for my soul. Music should always be playing this loud.

Of course, Who Wants to Live Forever made me cry, it always does.

But, the strangest thing happened too. There was something like magic in the air. The film ended, and the credits were rolling. The lights were on, and the exit doors were wide open, but the audience didn’t move. It was as if most people were just enjoying a couple more minutes of great music played loudly. And most people had that smile on their face, the blissful smile that only music or a live show can bring. It was quite extraordinary. And I loved it.

So… Shit mind and mood aside, music made me smile again tonight. It made me light. I know that tomorrow will be different again. I cried a lot these last two days, for no reason. Or seemingly so. I wish I were normal. I wish I didn’t burden people with this; with me. But I do. Because I am made of music. But I am also made of emotions. I am made of all the small pieces that make me whole. (Everyone is, I am not special)

Thank you.

Names…

I have three kids.

My son’s name was found because there were only 3 left on the list:

Olivier

Nicolas

Christopher.

My daughter’s name came to me in a dream. And I woke up and I knew it. There was not one doubt and no arguing.

Giulia

Julie

Julia.

My second daughter’s name was difficult to find. We had a handful of names left. And finally I wrote them on slips of paper and we drew her name out of a hat.

Amalia

Amelia

Emily.

Are names important? My kids wouldn’t be different with different names.

A rose by any other name would still smell like a rose. (Sorry, I don’t know Shakespeare in English, I can’t quote it properly)

My name is Catherine Annette. I don’t know what people think when they read or hear that name. I go by Cathy, haven’t ever known it any other way.

When we read or hear a name, we have an image in our heads. Parents know how that exact thing makes it hard to name the kids.

I am serene and at a good place right now. Yet I often wonder how others perceive me. 💜

Refueling

Some days, everything feels like lead. No energy. Everyone has different ways to cope with those days. For me, I had the chance to listen to a pile of records. Vinyl. The real deal. It is a conscious way to listen to music. At least it is for me. I just sat in my chair (still sitting there – it’s the chair I inherited from my grandma) and I am looking at the records spinning. I am not sure if I have the right words to describe it, but listening to records on vinyl slows everything down. It’s something I really enjoy.

Does it get any better than this? Outside a storm is raging. The autumn leaves are blown over my patio, the rain is pouring down; while I am sitting inside with a steaming mug of green tea, listening to music. A content smile is on my face. Bliss.

This is my stack so far for today. I think there will be a couple more additions. A day just for me.

It started with Our Ceasing Voice – Free Like the Night

Her Name is Calla – The Dead Rift EP

Anathema – the Optimist

U2 – the Joshua Tree

Worriedaboutsatan – Shift

Chris Rea – the best of

Very eclectic, just like me. Or maybe simply without direction? Just like me?

Are you enjoying your Saturday too?

Music…

Let’s start this music post with something progressive.

The band is called Gazpacho, and the song is called “Chequered Light Buildings.”

The song is from an album called “Night” (2007, Kscope)

🎧🎵🎶

The second song I recommend is called “A Long Time Listening” from another Nordic band, (Gazpacho are from Norway) Agent Fresco. (Agent Fresco are from Iceland)

The song is from an album with the same name – “A Long Time Listening” (2010, Record Records)

Thoughts?

music

I love this song. I know… Radiohead is a bit of a cliché. Just like with Pink Floyd it took me a while to get them and truth be told, I am still not that big a fan, but I own 4 or 5 of their albums. (Of course, I do…)

This is my favourite cover of this song:

Ever heard about Nate Maingard? Great man, I like him a lot. Though, I believe that his honesty and openness, his raw approach to everything he does may not be every one’s cup of tea. He is on patreon and you can find home on http://nate.live

Be curious… You know you want it,

Big hugs,

Cathy

The most valuable comment I ever wrote…

https://nate.live/the-only-thing-missing-in-my-life/

It is scary to fall apart publicly. It is even scarier to fall apart all alone. But you are not alone. And the darkness and apathy is understood and lived by many. Me included. There are these high highs and the low lows. And all I want is this: if you look at me, please see me. If you see me for the damaged person that I am, please love me. I felt from you words that you feel the same. The outside world can be perfect, but if the inside feels like a storm, the most perfect life becomes dull and blunt. Sometimes, life is overwhelming. Sometimes, all we can do is cry and let the tears wet our cheeks for seemingly no reason. And maybe, maybe it looks as if you aren’t doing anything, as if you aren’t moving. But you are doing a whole lot. You are not giving up. You are light, Nathan. You don’t see it because you are in the dark, but believe me, you are light.
On top of that, you are not missing from your life. This may not be how media or friends or whoever suggests life to be, but sometimes it is like that. Sometimes we fall apart. You are there. I can see you! And I like this vulnerable side of you. There is nothing wrong with it. Fall, Nate… we are there to catch you.

Thank you for your honesty.

I remember reading Nate’s post and falling apart too. November 2017 should have been amazing. It should have been the most precious and extraordinary month of my life. But for reasons that were not in my control, it wasn.’t. And I fell. For months I had been struggling and I had been trying to keep moving. But then came the time and I fell. And no one seemed to see it. Or maybe they did and it didn’t matter? I didn’t matter.

I was giving up. I was ready to give up my life. My poetry book “Quiet Minds” was supposed to be my final mistake and my final goodbye. But when I published that book, I felt something. I felt proud of myself. I loved that side of me – the creative/writing side. And through all the muddled thoughts, I began to see myself. Many days I am still my own worst enemy, but there are also the days when I am my biggest fan.

I am a fan of the comment I wrote and shared above. I am sure that I wasn’t sober when I wrote it, but I can assure you, my words are my truth.