Are we paying attention to the silent and the seemingly indifferent?
Are we seeing their unshed tears and hearing their unsaid words?
Are we aware of their uneasiness and their doubts?
Are we able to be kind, gentle, and compassionate to the invisible?
Are we paying attention?
We are paying.
I want to be madly and passionately in love. I want to be less sad. I want to be an optimist. I want to think less. I want to be seen. I want to stay hidden. I want to be free. I want to be alone. I want to never be alone. I want to turn back time. I want to travel in time. I want to undo situations. I want to redo situations. I want to be young. I want to be old. I want to be beautiful. I want people to take me seriously. I want to be somewhere else. I want to vanish. I want to waste my time. I want to daydream. I want a future. I want to be freed of the past. I want to trust you. I want you to trust me too. I want to laugh with you. I want to make you laugh. I want you to make me laugh. I want to cry. I want to cry with you. I want you to make me cry. I want to be intelligent. I want to be merciful. I want to be special. I want to be inspired. I want to be inspiring. I want to be at peace. I want to stay melancholic. I want to be your most important memory. I want you to recognize me. I want to be talented. I don’t want to hide. I want to stay compassionate. I want to stay confused and amazed about the world and people. I want to keep contradicting myself. I want to be more than a fantasy. I want to live. I want to be me. I want to know me. I want you to know me. I want to be interested. I want to be interesting. I want to find me. I want to be sensual. I want to step into the light. I want to stay in my darkness. I want to go out of my mind. I want to stay who I am. I want so many different things. I want to be everything. I want to be no one at all.
This was written in a post from March 28th, 2015. It is still valid. The post itself… I would write it differently today because I am not the same person I was in March 2015…
Have a great one everyone
Thank you for everything,
2:45 am. I can’t sleep. I woke up from a dream – not a nightmare, but unsettling too. I keep trying to recall my dream, but it is gone – lost in the corners of my mind. I just know that I was wrong about something. I did the worst one can do when unable to sleep; I took my phone and checked notifications. I was on Twitter and on a whim, I unfollowed a couple of accounts, the one of my former favourite band too – turns out they are a bunch of pretentious bellends. It took me almost 20 years to see it. I still appreciate their music; it was the soundtrack of my life, and yet… I really don’t like the people they became. Or is it me?
Am I drifting away from the person I used to be? I feel empty and overflowing. Sad and happy. Tired and wide awake.
How did that happen? When did everything change?
In a little more than 2 hours my alarm will go off, and I need to go to work. Early shift. I like that – if only it started later, lol.
Birds are beginning to chirp outside (the window is open); my husband is snoring next to me, and my mind is thinking too loud.
I am tired. These are disappearing feelings fueled by a tired mind. At least that’s what I am telling myself.
You scratched my soul
And I am fading from my body.
You left me invisible to myself
But I am holding on.
Lock away what is left of me.
STARDUST LOVE .
AN ETERNITY THAT LASTED HOURS
FIREFIGHTERS CAME IN TOO SOON
WE FOLLOW THE MONSOON
THROUGH A MIND’S TYPHOON.
Saudade – the presence of absence, or who Wikipedia explains it:
Saudade is a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never return.
Diamonds trying to outshine the dark, but
Only light can make them spark.
Novelty has worn off
Too many times we’ve gone soft.
Ingrained, but never imagined in our wildest dreams, how we are
Growing together, and secretly falling apart at our seams.
Nothing can contain our lust
Other than the chains that must
Reign us in, and keep us caged;
Endlessly devoted to a love that hasn’t aged.
Millions of thoughts keep us apart;
Emotions and memories – forever locked away in my heart.