Tonight’s picture

Just one of my weird artsy pics.

I can do anything, but I can’t do this

I am not very confident or ambitious, but I believe if I find a way to focus my wandering mind on things and work toward them, then I am able to achieve great things.

But what I can’t do are these two particular things, and I will probably never get there:

  1. I cannot whistle
  2. I cannot reach the top shelf of anything unless I use a stool

There you have it. I am not perfect.

Smile. It’s a grey and rainy day as it is.

new job

I started a new job on July 1st. I was excited about the chance I was given, and everyone told me how perfect I would be for the job. There was a lot of positive anticipation for my new position. But I felt like a failure because, at first I did not feel any of this and it felt as if others expected more than I was feeling.

The new position: Educator/life coach at a foster home for pregnant teens and underaged mothers.

Everything happened too fast. One moment I was working at a nursery, next surgery for my shoulder was confirmed. Surgery that was the reason I was probably not allowed to go back to my job. I was not sure if I could go back to work with babies – carry them, take care of them, and I felt lost. And so I started looking for a different job. Without expectations or passion. In October (2020), just before my memorable trip to the Netherlands, I had two interviews for a job I did not get in the end. The same company got in touch in March 2021, two weeks after my surgery, and asked if I was interested in an interview. The guys from the first service forwarded my application to the guys who got in touch. I was still unsure about my future and felt as if I had nothing to lose. And I agreed to go. After only one interview (usually, there are at least two in my line of work), I was invited for two trial days. I aced both. The people in charge offered me the job on my second trial day. Everything had to go through human resources to be official, and on the same day, my sick leave was prolonged for two more months, they promised me the job. And the people from the new job said they would wait as long as it would take. A promise is almost like a contract. I resigned from my old position during this time, and if it had fallen through, the new company would have had to cover the damage.

Fast forward to July. I was not ready to leave my old job, but the new one was waiting after almost 7 months of sick leave for my shoulder issues. The first week was hard. I was not fond of it at all. Mostly because I compared it to my old job. But the two are very, very different. I cried a lot the first week. And I think, I needed more time to adjust. I felt like a failure because everyone told me how perfect I was for the position and I did not feel it at all.

Twelve days in today, I had one of my best days there yet. But, I also feel something coming on that will be a bit dangerous or counter-productive. I invest myself too much in my work and want everything to be perfect. This job is not different. If things don’t go the way I expect them to go, I can get very hard on myself.

This job needs people who invest their all, but it also needs people who can step back. I need to find that balance. There are futures at stake if I make a mistake, being too lax or too strict. After only two weeks, though, I proved myself to my new boss in a couple of ways. My way of working is noticed by all of my colleagues because I know my way around the babies, I am relaxed around the teenage moms, and I see or notice things that colleagues working there for years don’t notice anymore. I see work that needs to be done and do it. I ask many questions, but I also share a lot of my own opinions and experience/knowledge too.

I am not sure if I arrived where I need to be, but I don’t think about giving up anymore. We’ll see if that’s the same in two weeks because I will work early shifts straight for the next two weeks (6-3) except Wednesday. And I will be sleep-deprived, for sure.

Please, keep your fingers crossed. I might fall in love with this new job and all the responsibilities that come with it.

The Captain’s Quiz 3: The Escape Quiz

It’s time for a quiz, hosted by our favourite quiz master: Paul. Click this link to read the rules and join in on the fun. I participated in the first quiz and due to personal reasons skipped the second, but… here I am, on a sunny afternoon in July…

May I greet some people? *waving enthusiastically*? I want to greet everyone I know and everyone who is watching. *smiling shyly*

Let’s play.

THE 10 QUESTIONS

1You and a stranger are stuck in an elevator for three hours. After how many minutes would you tell them your name?

After knowing that we are stuck and getting comfortable on the floor. “I’m Cathy. This will take a while” and then I would smile. (7.5 minutes)

2. You’re the first person to enter the movie theatre. Which seat do you choose and why?

One row behind the middle one, the seat off the left to the middle one. Because that’s where the sound is best.

3. If you were to navigate a giant maze with one celebrity, who would it be and why do you think you’d work well together?

Russell Brand. He is analytical and funny.

4. Eggs can be cooked in many different ways. Pick one and build a meal around it. What is included in that meal?

Fried eggs with spinach and mashed potatoes. Reminds me of my childhood.

5. Select the task you’d be able to complete the fastest and explain why:
A) Blow up (with your mouth) and tie 3 balloons
or
B) Pop 150 balloons with a thumbtack

A) because it’s really not that hard to do

6. Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee is a talk show hosted by Jerry Seinfeld. Using the same format for the title (Ex. Poodles on Patios Getting Crumbs), what would be the name of your talk show?

Bloggers on Beds Getting Breakfast

7. Arthur is an animated educational television series for children. What are 5 television shows you watched as a child?

Knight Rider, A-Team, Murder She Wrote, Airwolf, Quincy. (I was not allowed to watch children’s TV!)

8. Pillows provide support and help keep our upper body aligned during sleep. What is the strangest place you’ve ever fallen asleep? Tell the story, if there is one.

In school during math. No story to tell, I was bored and didn’t understand a thing.

9. “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” is a song by the band, Tears for Fears. If you could be in charge of anything, what would it be?

I don’t want to be a charge. Too much responsibility and too many people who know better anyway.

10. Your closet is a portal to a new “location” (think: wardrobe to Narnia), where does it lead to? What do you see?

It leads to a castle in the clouds were music is playing, diversity is everywhere, and people are smiling because they feel peace. (I can’t see the evil witch, she is busy in the woods behind the dark clouds. It’s off limits, or so I am told by the locals.)

BONUS QUESTION

1. Please enter the correct 6-digit passcode to successfully escape this quiz.

762021

Selfie

I call this one: blurry portrait of a tired 38-year-old woman. No makeup, and I used the light of the sun as a filter. As real as it gets. ❤

Happy Sunday everyone…

Quotes

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.

Henry David Thoreau

The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.

Henry David Thoreau

Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.

Henry David Thoreau

These quotes gave me some fodder for thought this morning. What do you think about them? Do they make sense to you in your current situation? Because, I think reading and comprehending (and interpretation of) what we are reading is always related to our state of mind.

musing

I step through every door with a clear purpose and close it with the certainty that I move on from the past.

A glow shines in through my open windows, bathes my mind in warmth, and covers it in hope.

I feel every emotion intensely and react with kindness, empathy, and love toward others.

I take solace in the fact that after every sunset follows a sunrise. After the dark comes the light.

I am strong, even in my weakest moments. There is a reason to smile. To breathe. To be.

And I am.

And she keeps dancing on the rays of love that shine through his eyes.

Please just save me from this darkness

A couple of exhausting days brought her to her knees. Nothing went according to plan. She felt ill and tired. And yet, insomnia was a big friend. Life felt overwhelming from every corner she looked at it, and that one dangerous thought crept in: wouldn’t everyone be better off without her? It was not as if anyone really cared about her. It was all shallow talk and superficialities. Breathing hurt, existing was exhausting, and tears just fell down her cheeks without much reason. Thinking and fading, she wasn’t sure if she could take much more from her kneeling position.

(Edited to add: this is pure fiction, and there is no need to worry about me or my mental health. I appreciate your concern. But trust me, the above paragraph is complete fiction. 😊)

It’s okay. I love you, come whatever may.

Song 5

Lone Wolf – mistakes

Lone Wolf is Paul Marshall from Leeds (UK). He is one of those artists who recorded a couple of records and vanished. I am not sure if he is still active as a musician or not, he does not advertise any releases even though there are songs on his Spotify profile. But, his name is common… Anyway… The above song appears on an album called Lodge. (2015)

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I shared 5 songs today. I hope you’ll take a moment and listen to them. They are all awesome in their own right. I adore music, that will never change.

Goodnight

Song 4

The Howl & the Hum – hostages

From the album “Human Contact” (2020). This was one of my top albums of 2020. It’s really great art all around. Good lyrics, solid vocals and tunes. Superb production.

Meet me on the bridge; we’ll hand over our hostages

One more song to come…