Guilty to feel good.

This is actually a sentiment I don’t share too often, but I am okay. I am well. Close to happy.

I don’t sleep well or a lot these days, I keep having these vivid dreams that wake me up often. And I keep tossing and turning until the sheets are knotted around my legs – as if it was trying to tie me to the bed.

In the mornings, I wake up early and don’t feel rested at all. But apart from yesterday and this afternoon, I am in an okay mood. I am not growling and biting off heads, I just go about my business.

My creative writing is suffering a great deal, and I am focussing on listening to music and reading. But I am not inspired to wrap anything into a poem or a short story. It is as if my mind decided that it is okay to just exist for a moment without taking control or doing stuff.

And it feels as if I am more balanced right now—just a tiny bit.

I still wish that I was invisible and yet, that I would like to be seen. I don’t like attention, and I value my privacy, and at the same time, I am bleeding onto pages in a book and screens in your hands. Which again, is okay.

I evolved a lot these last weeks. Thank you to everyone who was a tiny part of these changing times.

xx

And finally…

I first shared about my intention to publish my novel early this year, but a couple of setbacks made me drop my imaginary deadline.

Then last week, I didn’t have to go to work because there was no work for me left to be done… I was angry. Very much so. I felt useless and unneeded – and those are things similar to rejection – I can’t deal with them. I had to do something, and I dove into my manuscript for Heart of Stone. There was still a lot of work to do, and I did it. It took many hours, but in the end, I got it done, and I think/I hope there aren’t any typos left.

Upload, publish done.

That was the easy part. The cover had been done long before – I designed it myself, with a picture I took myself too. The picture inspired the title of the book.

The hard part was sharing with the world that I had written a novel that is almost 300 pages long. (291 pages of story). But, with a little shove and a lot of convincing, I did it. I shared on Instagram, on Twitter, and on FB. FB is the scariest because there is only family and people I really really really like. Their opinion matters.

And wouldn’t you know? They didn’t even ask about a synopsis, they simply asked where to buy the book. They will be surprised to read an English same-sex romantic novel. But, that they offered some support, albeit driven by curiosity, that means the world to me.

By now, Heart of Stone is available as paperback and ebook on Amazon worldwide. Mid-August, I will receive 10 copies that I can share and send around the world. One is already spoken for. 9 are left.

Heart of Stone – paperback version on amazon.com

Heart of Stone – kindle version on amazon.com

(Clicking the links will lead you to amazon.com – you will leave this site.)

I am proud of this achievement. It took me a while to come to terms with it, but yes, I did it. The first copy of the book went to the UK, to North Wales. That man bought his copy before I even told the masses that my book existed, and before I had the chance to correct the final typos. His copy of Heart of Stone is truly unique. And I will never forget his generosity and kindness.

Now, I will have to see if I can come up with a next book. There is only one older story of mine that deserves to be made into a paperback, but I am not sure if it will ever happen. Every Second, Forever. It is about a man who catches HIV and his journey through life, living with the virus. But, that book was written even before Heart of Stone, and therefore it is out of date. We’ll see what will happen.

Heart of Stone – it is out now, ready for your eyes. It will hit you right in the feels, I promise.

❤

News

Desktop view

This is a screenshot of today’s blog. As you can see, there is something new in the right corner. I am in the process of having my first novel printed. Ten copies to start, and then we will see how it goes. First come, first served. Pre-orders are open now. Shipping will follow mid-August.

Mobile view

This is quite exciting, and I am looking forward to holding my book in my hands, and I am looking forward to hear thoughts about it too.

Wish me luck.

🙂

Giveaway!

My stock is coming to an end and I decided to give away the last copies of my poetry collections. There were 5 of each this morning when I made the announcement on Twitter and Instagram. 3 sets are left right now. They are limited editions, meaning there are typos and minor formatting errors left, they are not in the version you can buy on Amazon. Every book comes signed and with a small handwritten note. I ship out worldwide*. Get in touch if you are interested in owning poetry written by a Luxembourgish poet.

*There are copies of my books all over the world:

Brazil 🇧🇷

US 🇺🇸

UK 🇬🇧

Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Ireland 🇮🇪

Canada 🇨🇦

Australia 🇦🇺

New Zealand 🇳🇿

South Africa 🇿🇦

Germany 🇩🇪

France 🇫🇷

Belgium 🇧🇪

Netherlands 🇳🇱

Luxembourg 🇱🇺

And the handful of books I sold via Amazon.

Be a part of this first-ever Giveaway!

Get in touch by writing a comment here or by sending an email to catherine.micqu@gmail.com

First come, first served. Or as we say in Luxembourg: Deen éischten ass fir.

A-lbum-Z

Inspired by the A to Z challenge, I will post an A to Z of albums I own, and I have an extensive record collection. I will go with the flow and share the first that comes to my mind. The first time I noticed that I can complete an A to Z with my CD collection was when I moved houses in December 2017. There will follow many different genres of music and at one time in my life, I listened to it. I would love some feedback about this list. Do you know the albums? The songs? Do you like them? Are there surprises? Obvious albums or songs?

*****

Agent Fresco – a long time listening

 

*****

Bon Jovi – keep the faith

 

*****

Coldplay – a rush of b-sides to the head

 

*****

Depeche Mode – songs of faith and devotion

 

*****

East 17 – steam

 

*****

Fink – Perfect Darkness

 

*****

Gazpacho – night

 

*****

Her Name is Calla – the quiet lamb

 

*****

INVSN – INVSN

 

*****

John Frusciante with Josh Klinghoffer – Inside of Emptiness

 

*****

Kings of Leon – Only by the Night

 

*****

Long Distance Calling – Avoid the Light

 

*****

Matthew Ryan – May Day

 

*****

Nina Simone – finest hour

 

*****

Olafur Arnalds – For Now I Am Winter

 

*****

Pink Floyd – the Division Bell

 

*****

Queens of the Stone Age – Songs for the Deaf

 

*****

Radiohead – OK Computer OKNotOK

 

*****

Serj Tankian – Elect the Dead

 

*****

The Twilight Sad – Forget the Night Ahead

 

*****

U2 – Joshua Tree

 

*****

Veils (the) – the runway found

 

*****

Woven Hand – Woven Hand

 

*****

Xenia Rubinos – Magic Trix

 

*****

Yuck – Yuck

 

*****

Zazie (French singer) – totem

 

*****

I added songs today. The songs appear on the mentioned albums. None of the links or songs are mine. I bought the albums and have their physical copies on my shelves, but the shared links belong to the respective owners.

Do you have music to complete an AtoZ in your collection? Care to share? ❤

Dear All

The weirdest thing happened today. I was informed that the layout, the theme that I was using for the blog was retired and I was advised to try finding a new one. There are many things that are more fun than customizing a theme. I have ideas, many of them, but not everything is feasible. And of course, I have no real idea what I am doing and use preset stuff that I adapt to my needs. I chose a couple of themes this afternoon and then I thought that I had found the one and –  I noticed that it had no sidebar. I need the sidebar though (or I want it…) After almost an hour, I was back at square one and now, I settled on this one. I am not sure if something is off, or if it is me, and I only need to get used to it.

So… this is the first post for the new layout. How does it feel for you? Is it too light, too dark? How about the font? It looks small on the laptop but good on mobile. I added a couple of features in the sidebar. Too much? The names of the different categories were slightly altered too. Did you notice or is it subtle?

Feedback would be nice, but not required 🙂

Next post will be the song of the day.

Take good care of yourselves.

updated about me

Greetings and salutations,

I am Catherine or Cathy (or micqu as my writing alter ego). A writer. A mom of three. Wife. A part-time educator working at a nursery. Walking and talking contradiction who loves music, clouds, sunrises, and complicating easy things.

I write poetry and short stories and sometimes small novellas too.

In 2018, I published a poetry collection that is available to buy as a paperback from me directly (on mobile version or phone, you need to scroll all the way down to find the link; on desktop version it should be at your right…) Unquiet Minds can also be bought on Amazon. (eBook and paperback)

Listening to music is a huge passion of mine. And I have a vast record collection that is constantly growing. (*cough cough* +/- 1300 physical albums – vinyl and digital downloads not included *bragging*) So… there might be a song here or there or me gushing about this or that band and giving it more meaning than it really has.

Now… I am sure you want to know where else you can find me, right? Right?! Or maybe where to avoid me?

Well… me and my annoying alter ego micqu can be found here (feel free to follow and/or get in touch there too):

https://www.instagram.com/micqu_1/ Instagram… obviously. I post pics and stuff. Duhh!

https://twitter.com/micqu1 Twitter. Where I always wonder why 140 characters are enough to make some people look witty, while I just look like me.

Bandcamp Music. Don’t worry, I am just a listener, but maybe you’ll find something worth your while in my collection.

Wattpad I used to share all my writing there, now, this blog is my primary place to write and share, although I cross post once in a while. It’s where my writing roots are buried.

tablo Another place where I shared some of my writing. Mostly LGBT-themed novellas. I am not active on that site anymore, but the books are still up.

If you want or need to send me an email, try this address: catherine.micqu@gmail.com

Don’t be shy, get in touch. I love to be social. Most of the time.

Hm… let me think… what else?

I’m 36 years young and from Luxembourg/Europe. (Languages spoken and written: Luxembourgish, German, French, English and claiming my bragging rights…). I can be quite passionate and opinionated, but I can be just as brooding and bruised. My own personal mental health struggles became a big part of this blog in recent years.

The words you’ll find on this site are all mine. I wrote them and thought them up in my mind. If some words aren’t mine, the original author is mentioned. Clips shared on this site belong to the respective owners. Same goes for SoundCloud or Bandcamp links.

Once again, nice to meet you… I hope you enjoy my explosions of emotions and my kind of randomness.

Cathy

Disclaimer:

This is a personal blog. Short stories and most poems are fiction and tagged as such. Resemblances with actual places and people (alive or dead) are a coincidence. No post is aimed at anyone in particular if it is not stated in the post itself. Do not copy my words without my consent. Thank you.

73 questions

1. What’s your favorite movie
A few good men / my own private Idaho

2. Favorite movie in the past five years?
Théo & Hugo / Deadpool 2

3. Favorite Hitchcock film?
Never seen a Hitchcock film

4. A book you plan on reading?
Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig

5. A book that you read in school that positively shaped you?
On n’est pas sérieux quand on a dix-sept ans by Barbara Samson (English title: Being seventeen)

6. Favorite TV show that’s currently on?
The Big Bang Theory / How to get away with Murder / the Americans

7. On a scale of one to ten how excited are you about life right now?
If One is bad and Ten is super excited, I am a 4

8. iPhone or Android?
Android. Never had and never will own an iPhone

9. Twitter or Instagram?
Twitter

10. Who should EVERYONE be following right now?
Matt Haig. Not only is he a very talented author, he is also openly speaking about mental health, and overall, he is not afraid to speak his mind.

11. What’s your favorite food?
The French call it Bouchée à la Reine. (Vol au vents?)

12. Least favorite food?
Brussel sprouts

13. What do you love on your pizza?
Spinach, prawns, eggs

14. Favorite drink?
Tea or Pinot Gris

15. Favorite dessert?
Mousse au Chocolat

16. Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?
Milk Chocolate

17. Coffee or tea?
Tea

18. What’s the hardest part about being a mum?
Managing the chaos and remembering everyone’s schedules, while working, and making sure everyone has enough clean clothes in their cupboard to last two days

19. What’s your favorite band?
Anathema

20. Favorite solo artist?
Ben Howard

21. Favorite song?
Running up that hill by Kate Bush (and most cover versions too)

22. If you could sing a duet with anyone, who would it be?
Robbie Williams

23. If you could master one instrument, what would it be?
Piano

24. If you had a tattoo, where would it be?
Left lower arm

25. To be or not to be?
To be

26. Dogs or cats?
Neither, but if I had to choose: dogs

27. Bird-watching or whale-watching?
Whale-watching

28. Best gift you’ve ever received?
A personal song from a musician I once admired

29. Best gift you’ve ever given?
Personalized jewelry. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but I took great care in choosing it and there person was really happy and is wearing it a lot

30. Last gift you gave a friend?
Tote bag

31. What’s your favorite board game?
Karuba

32. What’s your favorite country to visit?
France is nice

33. What’s the last country you visited?
Germany

34. What country do you wish to visit?
UK and/or Patagonia (which, of course, is, technically, only a region in Argentina)

35. What’s your favorite color?
Purple

36. Least favorite color?
Orange

37. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds

38. Heels or flats?
Flats

39. Pilates or yoga?
Yoga

40. Jogging or swimming?
Jogging

41. Best way to de-stress?
Drinking Maté and listening to music. A bath helps too.

42. If you had one superpower, what would it be?
Teleportation

43. What’s the weirdest word in the English language?
Acknowledgement, awkward, jealous

44. What’s your favorite flower?
Sunflower

45. When was the last time you cried?
Today

46. Do you like your handwriting?
Yes

47. Do you bake?
Yes

48. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
I am too hairy everywhere

49. What is your most favorite thing about yourself?
My eyes, my ass, my boobs, my humour, my wit, my empathy

50. Who do you miss most?
Jamie and Daniel

51. What are you listening to right now?
Snoring of my partner. Musically, I am listening to a random playlist on Spotify

52. Favorite smell?
My perfume (Jean-Paul Gaultier pour Femme)

53. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My boss

54. Who was the last person you sent a text to?
Robert

55. A sport you wish you could play?
Ballet

56. Hair color?
Brown

57. Eye color?
Brown

58. Scary film or happy endings?
Happy Ending

59. Favorite season?
Fall

60. Three people alive or dead that you would like to have dinner with?
River Phoenix, Emma Thompson, Thom Yorke

61. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs

62. Rolling Stones or the Beatles?
The Beatles (duh!!)

63. Where were you born?
Luxembourg city

64. What is the farthest you have been from home?
Djerba (Tunisia)

65. Sweet or savory?
Savory

66. Lipstick or lip gloss?
Lipstick

67. What book have you read again and again?
None. There are books I read twice, but usually, I only read them once.

68. Favorite bedtime story?
None

69. What would be the title of your autobiography?
In search of a balanced mind – the story of a troubled soul

70. Favorite sound?
Happy children playing and laughing

71. Favorite animal?
Donkey

72. Who is your girl crush?
Angelina Jolie

73. Last photograph you took?

Showing my view to my colleague while chatting.

Questions in the comments are allowed and encouraged. Thank you.

(Credit to Vogue: 73 questions)

Bicycle randomness

• I never lived alone and on my own
• I don’t like fruits, apart from raspberry
• I work at a nursery and love my job a lot
• Yesterday, a family member told me how unhappy I am. I was offended. I am not unhappy.
• My kids are the best thing I ever created
• I cannot stop writing
• The woman who got me into serious writing and me, drifted apart. Recently we got back in touch and I love every moment of it because she is such an amazing human being
• I am 35 and married with three kids. I don’t often mention this little fact
• My depression was ridiculed by family members, that’s why I don’t talk about it anymore
• Is a random fact still random when it is in an ordered list?
• I am a messy person and hate to clean up
• Sometimes, I am OCD
• I am definitely overthinking and always looking ways to blame me
• Autoaggression – it has many different faces
• I am afraid people don’t like me
• I try to be kind but I can be bitchy too
• I like to brag about my music collection, but it is really eclectic. So much so that I bet you that you wouldn’t know half of the artists
• I can’t be funny on purpose
• I appear to be too serious, but I am not
• My humour is dark, twisted, and very nasty
• I am not as innocent as I may appear to be
• When we moved house a couple of months ago, I found a hoodie an ex gave to me. My son is wearing it all the time now. I am not sure if that is a good thing
• I am very tired all the time, but I can’t sleep
• Don’t send roses and don’t save the last dance for me – I don’t care about these things. I am not a romantic
• I haven’t cried in a while.
• I am emotional. And I care. Even about the wellbeing of the people who aren’t part of my journey anymore
• The title of this post doesn’t make any sense at all
• I am grateful that I am an open-minded person. I am learning a lot every day
• I like to read
• I love spinach and broccoli – I really do
• I can’t believe my son is already 13
• I stopped sharing as much on IG because three of my work colleagues followed me there and I don’t want them to see the very real me
• I hate to censor myself
• It’s an honour to see when people relate to my writing
• I am a proud Luxembourger
• I am a sleepyhead who believes in the power of dreams and reads her horoscope everyday. I don’t necessarily believe in it, and yet, I like to read it
• In my need to be appreciated, I often agree to do things I don’t like
• I can’t say “no” very well
• Most times, I am a good person
• I am not intelligent enough to read poetry. I often don’t understand it
• Simple words. Short sentences. Lots of impact.
• This blog has had more traffic in 2018 than in all the years before. And I love it.
• I don’t have anything important to say
• That doesn’t stop me from saying the unimportant things
• I am good at giving advice – but I can’t follow any advice
• There is a definite submissive streak in me, but I don’t like to give up control
• I believe that there is a song for every situation
• I have been using the username “micqu” since 2011. Before that, I was mysteria. Mysteria wasn’t mysterious at all and the name was taken on too many sites already. Micqu was borrowed from a friend who said that she wanted her first child to be called Miko. Catherine (which is my real birthname) was added when I published my first novel
• I am an awful writer. I am an amazing writer
• My favourite perfume is Jean-Paul Gaultier Classique pour femme
• Cutting my long hair short was a very big deal for me
• I haven’t seen my mom in 6 months. I haven’t seen my dad in 4 months. I haven’t seen my sister in 2 years. I am not attached to them. I often feel rootless.
• If I didn’t write, I would be a better housekeeper
• I am not patient in my private life, yet my patience is praised at work
• I can only sleep on my stomach
• I own two guitars but I can only play some basic chords
• My kids are inheriting their love for music and books from me
• I burnt my tongue tonight. I hate the feeling in my mouth
• Tomorrow is labour day
• This list is very selfish and not very informative
• I am proud of you for having read this far
• I am proud of me for not having given up on this thing (the blog, I mean)
• Too much information
• I like to look at interesting pieces of art
• It’s 22:47
• I know three people who have a birthday today
• Thank you. Have a good morning; enjoy your day, and have an amazing night.
• This is randomness 68 (if I counted right)
• Inspired by @cappytalks Paul is way better at this than I am
• (…) to be continuing

Self-Promotion

I am on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/micqu_1/

I am on Twitter too: @micqu1

And… If you like my writing and want more: https://www.wattpad.com/CatherineMicqu

See you there, right?

I am not big on promoting myself or my writing. But once in a while I want to invite you to see more of me… Welcome to my world.

xx