It’s Friday (I think). Let me tickle your memory for a moment. I am an author who published 5 books since 2018. And they are all ready to be devoured by your hungry minds. There are two options to get your hands on a copy of these masterpieces. Either on Amazon as paperback and ebook or from my blog (link in bio). If you buy your paperback from the blog, you can pay via PayPal, and your copy will be signed with a handwritten note from yours truly. Every word in these books was written by me. And every cover picture was taken by me too. It’s a complete solo project, created with lots of passion and love. Never perfect, but always real. A lot like me.
Out of the Dark and Into the Light: a poetry collection. It’s a mostly fictitious journey through the year 2020.
A Life in Frames: short stories and flash fiction. In this book, I am trying to showcase my writing style.
Heart of Stone: a romantic novel
Drowning in a Sea of voices: a poetry collection
Unquiet Minds: a poetry collection. This was the first time I ever wrote my real name under my writing and I was a nervous wreck when I published it.
2. Favorite movie in the past five years? I am not sure, to be honest. I have seen so many films that I liked, it is hard to pick one.
3. Favorite Hitchcock film? Never seen a Hitchcock film
4. A book you plan on reading? There is nothing on my reading list right now
5. A book that you read in school that positively shaped you? On n’est pas sérieux quand on a dix-sept ans by Barbara Samson (English title: Being seventeen)
6. Favorite TV show that’s currently on? A Handmaid’s Tale
7. On a scale of one to ten how excited are you about life right now? If One is bad and Ten is super excited, I am a 7
8. iPhone or Android? Android. Never had and never will own an iPhone
9. Twitter or Instagram? Instagram
10. Who should EVERYONE be following right now? Whoever empowers them in a positive way. Right now, I find Russell Brand’s IG account quite interesting, but my enthusiasm for it comes and goes…
11. What’s your favorite food? Spinach with garlic
12. Least favorite food? Brussel sprouts
13. What do you love on your pizza? Spinach, seafood, eggs
14. Favorite drink? Gin & Tonic with fruits (raspberries, strawberries, mango) or simply water. I like drinking water.
15. Favorite dessert? Mousse au Chocolat
16. Dark chocolate or milk chocolate? Milk Chocolate
17. Coffee or tea? Depends on my mood
18. What’s the hardest part about being a mum? Managing the chaos and remembering everyone’s schedules, while working, and making sure everyone has enough clean clothes in their cupboard to last two days
19. What’s your favorite band? I don’t have a favourite band anymore. Some I like a lot are Depeche Mode, Pink Floyd, Anathema, the Cure…
21. Favorite song? Running up that hill by Kate Bush Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd
22. If you could sing a duet with anyone, who would it be? James Morrison (please don’t stop the rain), not because I like to listen to that kind of music a lot, but because I think our voices would be good together.
23. If you could master one instrument, what would it be? Piano
24. If you had a tattoo, where would it be? Left lower arm
25. To be or not to be? To be
26. Dogs or cats? Neither, but if I had to choose: dogs
27. Bird-watching or whale-watching? Bird-watching
28. Best gift you’ve ever received? A personal song sung especially for me from a musician I once admired
29. Best gift you’ve ever given? Personalized jewelry. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but I took great care in choosing it, and the person was really happy and is wearing it a lot
30. Last gift you gave a friend? chocolates
31. What’s your favorite board game? Karuba
32. What’s your favorite country to visit? France is nice
33. What’s the last country you visited? Netherlands
34. What country do you wish to visit? UK (especially Scotland and Wales)
35. What’s your favorite color? Purple
36. Least favorite color? Orange
37. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
38. Heels or flats? Flats
39. Pilates or yoga? Yoga
40. Jogging or swimming? Jogging
41. Best way to de-stress? Drinking Maté and listening to music. A bath helps too.
42. If you had one superpower, what would it be? Teleportation
43. What’s the weirdest word in the English language? Acknowledgement, awkward, jealous
44. What’s your favorite flower? Calla Lilies
45. When was the last time you cried? A couple of days ago while watching a TV show called Years and Years
46. Do you like your handwriting? Yes
47. Do you bake? Yes
48. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I lack self-confidence
49. What is your most favorite thing about yourself? My eyes, my ass, my boobs, my humour, my wit, my empathy
50. Who do you miss most? I can think of a few people who I miss equally.
51. What are you listening to right now? Right this moment, I am listening to a British artist called Ben Montague
52. Favorite smell? My perfume and the way it smells on my skin (Jean-Paul Gaultier pour Femme)
53. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? A colleague from work – Bianca
54. Who was the last person you sent a text to? Ash
55. A sport you wish you could play? Ballet
56. Hair color? Brown
57. Eye color? Brown
58. Scary film or happy endings? Happy Ending
59. Favorite season? Autumn
60. Three people alive or dead that you would like to have dinner with? Keanu Reeves, Emma Thompson, my grandma
61. Hugs or kisses? Hugs and Kisses
62. Rolling Stones or the Beatles? The Beatles (duh!!)
63. Where were you born? Luxembourg city
64. What is the farthest you have been from home? Djerba (Tunisia)
65. Sweet or savory? Savory
66. Lipstick or lip gloss? None
67. What book have you read again and again? None. There are books I read twice, but usually, I only read them once.
68. Favorite bedtime story? None
69. What would be the title of your autobiography? In search of a balanced mind – the story of a troubled soul
70. Favorite sound? Thunderstorm and rain outside while I am inside
71. Favorite animal? Donkey
72. Who is your girl crush? Winona Ryder
73. Last photograph you took?
The first edition of this post was taken in July 2018. Some answers stayed the same; others changed… Have fun…
I found this one on Twitter when I was looking for a different picture. This was written around 2015. I had strong words back then, but things happened in 2015, and I was left forever changed…
I was looking for this pic, by the way:
That picture is from about 4 years ago. We had moved house, and few boxes were left to move. I put shoeboxes filled with CDs in a bigger box and when I stepped on the stairs, the bottom gave out and one third of my collection flew down the stairs. I cried. I laughed. I was near hysterical. Oh, and I was stuck at the top of the stairs. My son stood downstairs and had no idea what to say and what to do. After a while, we went in search of a new box, put the jewel cases of the CDs back together – (many broke and I am still mad about that. I take such good care of my collection but so many cases are broken because of that incident.) and got on with our move… It was not a fun evening… But now, years later, I can laugh about it.
I was too visible online tonight. I posted on IG and here… See you tomorrow. xx
You can now find me on Goodreads. It was not easy to set it up. I know many authors are on there, but I find it not to be intuitive at all – for authors anyway. There are social media buttons on this very site too.
It would be kind of you to leave some kind of review… It doesn’t have to be written word, stars are nice too. ✨
So… If you liked my poetry, short stories, or/and my novel, you know what to do.
Taking a page out of Aaron’s blog –> http://confusingmiddle.com and following Paul’s –> captainsspeech.com recent share your blog event, I decided to share some facts about me. Questions are allowed and will be answered. So… fasten your seatbelts, let’s begin this Tuesday with a post about mememememe.
I am a woman
My birthday is in February (8th)
It makes me an Aquarius
I am also an INFP which stands for “introversion, intuition, feeling, perception” and is one of 16 personality types according to Myers-Briggs
I write a lot. Every day. Everything that is not personal and about me is fiction.
I am diagnosed bi-polar and my moods or episodes can sometimes be palpable in my posts
I love music of many genres and like to share things that make me happy – music
I was born and raised in Luxembourg – which is a very small but beautiful country in Europe
i am fluent in four languages and always interested in picking up bits of new ones
some consider me as being odd
at work, I am often seen as laid-back and calm/quiet. That’s just a facade. There is a storm on the inside
I work with babies and toddlers
The only other dream-job I ever had was in drug-prevention, apart from that, I always wanted to work with little kids
right now, I am on extensive sick leave because I have an issue with my shoulder. It should have been resolved a year ago, but it seems as if no one wants to perform a surgery and it is better to be sent from test to test anyway *sarcasm*
I am deeply empathetic, which can be a course. I pick up on moods and sometimes internalise the pain of others – my writing benefits from that, my mental health doesn’t
I am a good cook because I like spoiling people who come to my house
did I mention that I will be 38 this year? Not a nice number. I wonder if it is time to grow up.
I did not gain or lose any weight this year, even if it looks like it on my face. but my hair turns grey and greyer
blame it on my three kids (15,12,10). I love them to bits and would do anything for them
My son will be 16 next week
my childhood was quite rough with emotional blackmail, neglect, and abuse and I had to do things for my mom no child should do for their parent at the age of 6. It influenced my entire life and I hope that I am a better parent to my kids.
when i get very very overwhelmed, I fall back into old patterns and get the urge to cut my skin. I did that as a teenager, then stopped – without help for a decade. Since 2012 it happens again sporadically. (once in 2020)
one of my biggest fears is being rejected and abandoned. that’s why it hurts so much when people become close and start ghosting me – which happens on occasion too
I am a sensual woman and like to write sensual short stories that border on erotica
most of my online acquaintances are male
most of my real-life friends are male
I lost a friend because of that – she counted my followers on Twitter and FB (!) and after a fight she decided that I violated the girls-code (whatever that is) and that I was toxic – I don’t miss her
I have never met my best friend – she is in London and we are in touch daily.
It is easier for me to be authentic and open online than it is in my real life
i prefer to step back and allow others to shine in real life
online is real-life too, I know, but it is different
I published 4 books, they can all be found on Amazon and they can also be bought through my blog, but only one person ever chose the latter option and that book went to Wales
In 2020, for the first time ever, I did a piece of spoken word poetry and it can be found on an official release – a compilation by diy artists – I am a member of a discord channel as the only (?) non-musician and don’t know if I even fit in there – but the creator of the channel added me and I won’t complain
I used to sing in a band and two songs I wrote made it on an album – I was made to leave (kicked out) when hey decided they only needed one singer and it would be better to be an all-male band. I cried and was disappointed, but not for too long. I am still friends with the members of the band. A while later, they split up and went on to have families and careers…
I have been sharing music daily on the blog for a while now. I always start with the intention of only doing it for a month straight only, but to be honest, I like that most don’t know the songs I share and I hope that you can discover your next favourite artist
I like supporting people and I like taking care of them
If I take care of you, it means that I love you. I care about you. I never ask “how are you?” without wanting a real and true answer
I write romantic poems and stories most of the time, I don’t consider myself to be a romantic woman though. I don’t want flowers or jewels, I want the little things
I can be selfish
I think I am shallow, but I am told I am not
can I brag? I have an IQ (official test) of 132
I am horrible with numbers
My life is quite boring. I am home a lot and don’t like to socialise.
My head is filled with boring facts about music, movies and everything related to those two. I just seem to memorise these things
I am a good listener and remember little things about people
last October, I met a Dutch couple I met online. I drove for four hours, spent four days with them and drove home again. I had a weird weekend. It was almost like wellness and yet, it was apparent that something internal was not quite right – I had the urge to touch my fingers the entire time, and one big phobia reared its head – I hate eating in front of people. I was an even weirder version of my normal self. it’s embarrassing, really. I’m sorry.
people step into our lives when we need them not when we want them
I don’t believe in regrets. Every decision I make is the right one in that moment. And if it turns out to be a bad decision later, then so be it. It sounds weird but allows me to be confident about my choices.
I believe in the Butterfly Effect: If one thing was changed in the past, I would not be where I am now – this helps a lot with my messed up childhood and adolescence – because I like my life right now and I like the people who are part of it – even if they have no idea how important they are for my well-being
amor fati – love your fate
I write daily. In December my mentor passed away, without him, you would not be able to read any of my words. I miss him. He liked lists too.
I use social media a lot, but I am not hung-up on stats. But, once in a while I wonder “who cares” and consider deleting everything. Everything but the blog. And for the blog, I do like to see that there are constant visitors.
as I am writing this list, I am sitting at my kitchen table with plugs in my ear. The song that is playing is heavy metal (Kvelertak – heksebrann) and it is hard to sit still, but my kid has an online class and she is sitting here with me – i need to behave
I am not a usual mom – I am often silly
I like sunrises
I like to sleep in – it clashes with the fact that I like sunrises
when I wake up in the morning, I need a moment until I am ready to talk with anyone
I can be very moody (good moods and bad moods too)
The only way I know how to think is to overthink
I am made of emotions but only movies and music make me cry
I don’t like to show my vulnerable and weak side – I try to make fun of myself instead – yes, I am that insecure
powertools don’t scare me. I know how to do many things around the house – I am independent, but I like it if a man takes care of me
I like long baths
kindness, respect, and gratitude are not a luxury
you are always the bad guy in someone’s story – that’s a fact of life
I love spinach, it is my second favourite dish
I don’t like it when someone looks over my shoulder while I am looking at my phone or writing on the laptop.
I am afraid to be judged wrongly – but since I am secretive and insecure, that is often the case
most people I encounter use the word “mysterious” to describe me and even though this has happened for years now, no one has an answer to what is so “mysterious” about me.
I gave up pretending online – I am who I am.
I don’t pretend in real-life, I just don’t show everything
I know a lot of theory about exercising and healthy food – and yet I am overweight
I am quite short (160cm – 5’3)
my wardrobe is filled with black tops and jeans
my best physical assets: eyes (brown), boobs, ass
I am a bad liar and think it is disrespectful to lie anyway
I am easily hurt but I easily forgive too
there is a song for every memory and every situation
one indicator that I am not well (mentally) is when there is no music playing – it means i am overflowing with emotions and cannot deal with anything else clouding my mind
an explosion of emotions – I wish I had come up with that, but I did not. I just use it a lot and the person who said it probably just said it in passing without giving it much thought
my favourite season is autumn (fall). In winter it is too cold, in summer it is too hot and in spring there are too many allergies
always look on the bright side of life
I like art – abstract photography
I haven’t seen my mother since 2016 – it is a conscious choice to protect me, but if I am honest and if I was in her position it would hurt – all my talk about being abandoned and rejected and I am doing it myself – and yet… I cannot change it. I cannot go and visit – even calling her is hard for me
I know my twin-flame. It is not the man I married
I never had any surgery or broken bones and the only X-Rays I had ever taken was at the dentists
the song that is playing now is Billy Joel – she’s only a woman
For the third year in a row, Paul is organising an event on his blog called “share your blog”. I’ll start with sharing where it’s all happening… https://captainsspeech.wordpress.com/ Take a look. Paul is a very talented and interesting one.
Participating is easy:
Introduce yourself in the comments section below
Tell us the name of your blog and what you write about
Share a link to your blog
You can do that here or on Paul’s site.
From personal experience, I can tell you that last year’s “share your blog” resulted in a surge of visitors. Some stayed and some only came by for the free drinks and food, but that’s okay. But as Paul points out in his post, it motivates to share some good content for the newbies on your page. At least it worked for me.
But, who am I? Well… I am an 37 year old woman, mother of three kids. I work part-time with babies and toddlers, and I am also a published author. I published four books so far: two poetry collections, one novel, and an anthology of short stories. Currently, I am struggling with on-going shoulder issues and constant pain, with a bit of luck it should be sorted this year. I said the same last year, but I am an optimistic pessimist. Most of my writing is romantic in a way and 90% is fiction. I am a right music nut and support talent in any genre, that’s why I share so much music on my blog. Hopefully you don’t know the songs and find new favourites. I can be a bit weird some times. I over-share which can be tiring, but it is a part of me. I believe in kindness and in gratitude. I am deeply empathetic which is not always easy for me, and I am quite impulsive too. (And I took a Myers-Briggs test, I am an INFP)
I invite you to come with me on this journey. Another extraordinary year is in front of us…
So, silent ones and outspoken ones, take a moment to share your blog with a comment here.
Dare to be seen!
Lots of love from your favourite Luxembourgish writer (and from me too!)
This is the last of my stock, if you are interested in buying and owning a personalised copy of one of my books, now is the time. I ship worldwide. Payment via PayPal.
Heart of Stone – novel, 4 copies left (19€/$22,50) Unquiet Minds – poetry, 3 copies left (12€/$14) Drowning in a Sea of Voices – poetry, 2 copies left 10€/$12)
Every word in these books was written by myself, every cover picture was taken and edited by myself too. Once my stock is gone, it is gone and the only way of purchasing these books is through Amazon. There are copies in Australia, Brazil, Canada, US, UK, Sweden, South Africa, India, Germany, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Romania, Ukraine… Join the readers all around the globe.
During the last year, I often complained about shoulder aches. I had several different treatments, medicines, massages, dry needling, acupuncture, subacromial injections in different places… Nothing relieved the pain for more than one week. Today, I had another injection. This time, right into the joint and under the acromion. And while the other injections were almost okay, this time, I am in agony. I hurts and I don’t know how to sit or to lie down to make it better. I am not allowed to take pain meds yet, because the injection was made of corticosteroids and anesthetics – they need to wear off a bit first. This sucks. It honestly does. My right arm is of no use right now, because even typing on the phone pulls at the tendons in the shoulder – something you don’t notice when everything is okay.
My doc said several times that surgery would be inevitable, but as long as we can try to repair or relieve the damage and pain with injections, he doesn’t want to do surgery – even less in times like these. But at the same time, this is the last chance, the last try. And I just want to remember how it is to be pain-free for more than one week. Oh, I am whining, and I shouldn’t. But yes, I should. This sucks. And I don’t know how to sit still and how to neglect my chores at home. But I have to. I guess the injection did not take the last time because I didn’t delegate my work and because I chose to drive to the Netherlands (which I don’t regret in any way – no, it helped me grow in many ways… and the people I met there too – I will not forget and will always be there if I am needed.) Right now, though, I was taken out of work for almost two weeks, and I need to find a way to behave myself and take it easy.
Send music 😁 I am still waiting for 6 (!) vinyl records… Maybe some will come during my time off work.
Everything, really everything you read on this blog is written impulsively, without a filter. The words and thoughts you read are the words and thoughts of that particular moment, and they can change in a heartbeat. Please keep that in mind. Also, I often write about my mental health issues; reading about that can be worrisome, triggering, exhausting. It all comes down to one thing: I am most afraid to be left behind/abandoned/rejected, and my overthinking mind suggests that everyone just leaves me for various reasons. It’s not true, I rationally know that, but my emotions tell a different story. It doesn’t really matter, but it really matters. Impulsive bits of my reality during that exact mindset – that’s what you get to read on this blog. And music. Lots and lots of different music.
A couple of months ago, I sent Ollie a copy of my novel Heart of Stone. He asked if I was interested in answering a couple of questions and I agreed. Here are the questions and my replies. Enjoy.
What was the genesis of the novel? When did you first get the idea for it?
The first idea for this novel came to me in 2013. I had the idea for Emerson Heart on my mind for a long while. The first story I ever wrote with original characters, that weren’t fanfiction, was about a character not unlike Emerson, but far less conflicted. I kept having ideas for scenes and wrote many small notes in my journals. I had similar ideas for Riley Stone, but at first these two characters were not meant to be together in the same book.
How long did it take you to write it?
The first draft took about three months. Then I let it go and turned to a different project, but the characters kept coming back to me at the most inopportune moments and I knew they needed more attention. The file was always running in the back on my laptop. I added a bit here, a sentence there. But I never worked on it with any urgency. During lockdown, I decided that I wanted to send this novel out into the world. So, from the first draft to the publication, it took almost 7 years in the end.
What is your writing routine generally like?
Generally, I put my headphones on and choose music that doesn’t silence my mind. A cup of coffee – if I write in the morning, or an alcoholic drink – if I write in the evening, and then I just let the words flow. I am not one who plans my novels in the beginning. The plan only happens around halfway through when I don’t want to miss any details or loose ends. I also take many notes during the day about sudden ideas or sentences I want to use.
Did it change for this novel or did it stay the same?
For the final draft the routine changed since I only wrote and worked on it while my kids did their homeschooling. They had schedules and I adapted to them. I guess that is why it all happened so fast in the end.
How did you create the two main characters, Emerson Heart and Riley Stone?
As I mentioned, the first idea of Emerson is based off an older character. In the first draft, he didn’t have the anxiety attacks that became a big part of his character. The inspiration for that came after I saw a documentary on TV about a young man who was suffering from these attacks. I also like to give my characters something of myself – I had my first anxiety attack in 2016. It all came together naturally. Riley was supposed to be in stark contrast to Emerson at first. A bit of a cliché. But I was not happy with shallow Riley and I gave him a back story and insecurities of his own. He too has some characteristics of myself. I like my characters to be real and relatable.
The names Heart and Stone came from a picture I took a long while ago – it became the cover of the novel in the end.
Are they based on anyone you know? (Do you have a favourite between them two?)
Emerson and Riley aren’t based on anyone I know and Emerson is not based on any known musician either. They are creations of my imagination. I have a favourite indeed. Riley. Strong and stoic on the outside, fragile and vulnerable on the inside.
Mental health is a big theme in the novel. Panic attacks, for example, are described quite visibly. How important was it for you to explore this theme?
For me, it was important to draw a real picture of the anxiety attacks. They are not just there one moment and forgotten the next, they creep up and have some kind of aftermath. Of course, every anxiety attack feels different for every person, but to me, it feels as if mental illnesses are romanticized too often on TV or in books. I needed to show the real side of them and how utterly helpless one feels in those moments. I did a lot of research and also – once again, took some of my own experiences and weaved them into Emerson’s attacks.
Stone Island, the novel’s main setting, seems like a dream paradise. Did you base it on any place you visited?
Unfortunately, Stone Island only exists in my fantasy. Very vividly though. The image of the mansion overlooking the ocean came to me early on.
If you could spend a day on Stone Island, what would you love to do there?
I would go to the beach and enjoy the waves and the salty sea on my skin. Then, I would return to the mansion and sit outside with a little fire, watching the sunset. Just relaxing and enjoying the serenity of the island.
Another big theme of the novel is same sex love. What drove you to explore this type of relationship?
I first started writing fanfiction for a same-sex couple – Kevin and Scotty from the TV show Brothers & Sisters. I got stuck in the genre of same-sex couples and never felt the need to explore outside that genre. But it felt important to me to show two males who are in love. I read so many novels in this genre that are filled to the brim with cringe-worthy clichés. Now, I don’t claim to be the best writer there is, but I am always trying to keep it real and relatable. There is never a doubt that the main characters are men, and although they are very different from one another, I feel that they are equals, too. There is not one victim and one saviour. They are both victims and they are both saviours.
From the whole process of writing and publishing the novel, is there anything you would have done differently if you could go back in time?
I am not sure. I was left hanging from different beta-readers, quite disappointing actually, and it led to me doing everything all on my own. I guess, having someone else read over the manuscript and making the writer aware of mistakes or illogical sentences or paragraphs is quite helpful. I would insist on finding help nowadays. Also, I am much more confident in my writing, I would probably approach a publishing house earlier on.
Are you working on any new writing projects?
I am not writing much fiction at all these days. After writing and finishing Stone, I felt as if my creativity had dried up. But who knows what happens in the future. Inspiration comes from different places all the time.
Although, I am thinking about publishing a collection with my short stories. And by the end of next year (2021), a new poetry collection will probably see the light of day too.
Do you think you will ever revisit these characters?
I am thinking about Emerson and Riley a lot, to be honest, but I will probably not revisit the characters. There won’t be a sequel.
If you are interested in purchasing a copy of Heart of Stone, it is available worldwide as ebook and paperback on Amazon, or you can get in touch with me and I will send you a signed copy. Also, consider using the shop on this site. You can pay with Paypal, making it easy for you and for me.