Just a moment of solitude

The less we are alone, the lonelier we feel. Every fake smile makes us break – just a little bit at first. And then some more. Until we crumble to dust and hide in the forgotten cracks of our being; bleeding on our mind’s carpet floors. We are drowning slowly in the invisible wounds on our soul, unable to hear our thoughts over the voices of those who don’t know and those who will never understand. Too much, too loud. We need a moment to exist – on our own.

Haiku – almost

Ghost memories in caged minds
Heavy water sliding down winter skins
Trapped in blazing fire trees.

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I am not good with structure or following writing rules. I don’t know – it makes me feel trapped in my creativity and too aware of what I am doing. So… I was doodling and procrastinating this morning when this came about. For a real modern haiku, one word is missing in the second sentence. Apparently, 5-7-5 is the way to go. 17 words… That’s in theory… I prefer going with the flow and see where the words lead me.

The last of my stock

This is the last of my stock, if you are interested in buying and owning a personalised copy of one of my books, now is the time. I ship worldwide. Payment via PayPal.

Heart of Stone – novel, 4 copies left (19€/$22,50)
Unquiet Minds – poetry, 3 copies left (12€/$14)
Drowning in a Sea of Voices – poetry, 2 copies left 10€/$12)

Every word in these books was written by myself, every cover picture was taken and edited by myself too. Once my stock is gone, it is gone and the only way of purchasing these books is through Amazon. There are copies in Australia, Brazil, Canada, US, UK, Sweden, South Africa, India, Germany, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Romania, Ukraine… Join the readers all around the globe.

Comment for more information. 😉

Have a nice weekend xx

Her last words…

Tonight, I had the news that a woman I like a lot passed away. She was older (76) and sick (cancer that had spread and two strokes). I am sad, because she was such a unique, quirky, eccentric and warm person. Whenever we met, we had a chat. She was one of the people I liked to see and chat, you know? Not one of those you hope won’t see you; not one of those you pretend not to see. The last time I saw her was almost a year ago. It was at a function for our municipality. Between us, we drank a bottle of wine and talked about everything and nothing. Her last words to me carried me for a long while: “You are awesome, Cathy. Stay open. Stay you. I really like the woman you are.”

How many people say things like that to your face? My cynic mind tells me to blame it on the wine, but I know that she was an honest person. She would not have spent any time with me if she had not liked me, and she certainly would not have said those words to me. At the time, I did not know that they were her last words addressed to me, but now I cherish them even more. RIP

Another awesome woman who passed away 12 years ago to the day is my mother-in-law. She welcomed me into her family, and she taught me a lot about parenthood and finding your own way. She encouraged me, and was there. In the 8 years that I knew her, she was more of a mother to me than my own mom. Sad but true. She is still greatly missed. Her last words to me were said the day before she passed away. She put her hand on my pregnant belly (she passed away on my due date for Giulia – Giulia was born two days later), looked at me with a smile and said: “you’ve got this. I am proud of you. I love you.”

And maybe I was in denial, but here too, I was not aware that these words were the last time she would ever say anything to me. And I told her too that I loved her that night – I am very glad I did. She was very ill (cancer that had spread…) and heavily medicated. She was drifting in and out of consciousness, and maybe I was naive or maybe I was preoccupied with my pregnancy, but I did not realise that she was in her final days… Yeah… I miss her a lot. She would have fallen instantly in love with Giulia and she would be so proud of Olivier and Amalia… She would have been the most amazing grandma…

November took the amazing people. But, in November, some of my favourite people were born too… Next November, everything will be very different again.

Songs of the night

Two songs… They could not be any more different

Sandra – (I’ll never be) Maria Magdalena

A nu-disco song from 1985. Truth be told, until tonight I had no idea that genre existed. As a kid, I used to like that song and the singer. The song came on tonight and I thought it would be a blast from the past to share.

The other song I am sharing is the following:

Pearl Jam – dance of the clairvoyants (2020)

Decades after their debut album, this band sounds definitely different, but they’ve still got it. Eddie Vedder’s vocals (voice and lyrics) never get old. The song was released in February 2020. Enjoy the music.

Happy Birthday

Today is a special man’s birthday. His year has been especially challenging, and we have not been in touch a lot, but I hope that he still reads the blog once in a while.

Without you, I would not be who I am, I would have given up writing a long while ago. I cherish our best moments, our friendship, and all the smiles we shared. Keep fighting. I miss you. 😘

https://thealvarezchronicles.com/

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In the dark night, a storm is blowing broken leaves off the large tree in front of my open window. It is cold outside, but it is warm under my blanket. The lights are off, but my bedroom is not dark: my alarm clock illuminates some of the room, my mobile phone’s screen shines brightly too. My fingers are flitting across the display, pushing buttons, making black letters appear on the white screen. Every letter turns into a new word – A foreign language that is more familiar than my own. Words turn into sentences written for your eyes only. I see an ellipsis on the screen, and my heart flutters, waiting for your message. Will it be a cheesy country song or questions? Something else entirely? It does not really matter; I just enjoy your momentary presence in my life. The storm and the rain lull me into sleep, but I am fighting to stay awake. I am not ready to let you go just yet. Please don’t go. Don’t disappear from my screen. And you don’t. Some words you write pull at all the right strings in my chest; they warm me from within. It feels like home – As if I belong into your arms and into your mind. Your last message is one to say “goodnight.” I like how considerate you are. I smile as the rain drums against my window. Is it asking for my attention? Is the darkness jealous of the light you carry for me? I shake my head… My thoughts turn into weird mush, and maybe 12:45 am is a good time to get up, brush my teeth, and get back under my lonely duvet again. Time to count some sheep and to fall asleep.