song of the day (Thursday)

Felix Räuber – road to chaos

This song was released in July 2020 on Every Motion Records, which is Felix’s own label. He is an artist through and through, an extraordinary vocalist and his interviews show an intelligent man who cares about life and the state of this earth. Felix is probably better known to a broader audience as the singer of the band Polarkreis 18, they had a huge hit single with the song “Allein Allein” in 2007. Definitely an artist to watch. Hearing him live is a treat too. I saw him years ago at a gig with Maximilian Hecker. 36 people with the staff manning the bar… a gem of a gig that I will never forget.

Enjoy your day. xx

song of the day

Nate Maingard – Braver and Stronger (2012)

 

My favourite Nate Maingard song… He is a South-African self-proclaimed troubadour who finances his life through sustainable living and patreon. Interesting guy, but I cannot always agree with his eccentric views. And I don’t have to, because we are all intelligent people who can think for ourselves.

Have a great day…

Keep your eyes open! A surprise is headed your way.

ramble…

You know what? Fuck it!!

It’s okay. I am okay the way I am. Including all my flaws.

We are all told every day that we need to change this and that to be loved and to fit in. But honestly? Who cares? No one does. No matter how much we work on us, it’s never okay anyway, and haters will always find something to criticize.

I am just fed up with people. At the same time, I want to acknowledge how far I came these last months. I did not learn a new language or learned to paint. I lost some weight and put it on again because I liked to have a drink (too many) a lot of the time… But skipped meals. And workouts.

I am passionately listening to music again. I haven’t written any poetry or anything else in a moment. I haven’t taken any pictures. And honestly, being here or not – it doesn’t matter. Or does it?

In my life was a person who didn’t speak well of me writing the blog. Did he ever read it? I am not sure. But everyone is a judge these days.

Years ago, someone told me “who cares? It doesn’t matter.” And I was so hurt back then, because I thought that it had to matter and that everyone has to care. But as so often, this person taught me a valuable lesson. How I miss that person…

So… I was sure to take a break and be quiet… Because I felt hurt. But I am a grown-up and will not act like a teenage girl. There is nothing wrong with being a teenage girl, I was one twenty years ago, but I am not anymore.

How is a grown-up supposed to act? How is a mom of three supposed to be?

I am me. I don’t always feel right, but in the end, I am.

I did have a drink tonight, but I also had lots of fun.

I don’t feel right – Tadgh Daly (2020)

Cathy, as a mom (it’s a conscious choice not to share many pics of my kids online. They are at an age where they are allowed to choose if they want to be present in an online world or not – I only share pics with their consent.)

Song for Tuesday night

Pink Floyd – hey you

From the album “The Wall” (1979, Harvest). The song was written by Roger Waters. This one is a bit heavier, melancholic even, yet there is hope too. But I like the lyrics a lot.

Hey you, out there in the cold
Getting lonely, getting old
Can you feel me?
Hey you, standing in the aisles
With itchy feet and fading smiles
Can you feel me?
Hey you, don’t help them to bury the light
Don’t give in without a fight


Hey you out there on your own
Sitting naked by the phone
Would you touch me?
Hey you with you ear against the wall
Waiting for someone to call out
Would you touch me?
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone?
Open your heart, I’m coming home


But it was only fantasy
The wall was too high
As you can see
No matter how he tried
He could not break free
And the worms ate into his brain


Hey you, out there on the road
Always doing what you’re told
Can you help me?
Hey you, out there beyond the wall
Breaking bottles in the hall
Can you help me?
Hey you, don’t tell me there’s no hope at all
Together we stand, divided we fall

Cathy’s Top 5 Pink Floyd songs:

1. Comfortably Numb (1979, The Wall)

2. Sorrow (1989, A Momentary Lapse of Reason)

3. High Hopes (1994, The Division Bell)

4. Shine On You Crazy Diamond (1975, Wish You Were Here)

5. What Do You Want From Me (1994, The Division Bell)

Many people think that Pink Floyd is challenging to get into. And I agree. Some of their earlier stuff is unbearable – for me. I can’t listen to most of “The Dark Side of the Moon” and I haven’t in a while, maybe it is time to give it another spin. However, “The Division Bell” is one of the albums I listen to all the time. The songs I shared are accessible, or so I think. Most are live versions, which gives it a nice touch. If I ever get a chance to see David Gilmour (guitarist and lead singer of Pink Floyd) in concert, I will make sure to buy tickets. He is 74 years old by now… The chances are slimming down. By the way, David Gilmour discovered Kate Bush and produced her first record.

Have a great night.

xx

song for another sleepless night

REM – leave

From the record “New Adventures in Hi-Fi” (1996, Warner Bros Records), which was the 10th studio album REM released.

Apparently, this is one of the band’s best records; I wouldn’t know. I just know this one song from it, and I adore it. My favourite REM album is “Automatic for the People” (1992). The song is sombre, heavy even, and the lyrics get to me. Once in a while, I tear up when I hear it, because of the way Micheal Stipe sings these lyrics:

(…)

That’s what keeps me
That’s what keeps me
That’s what keeps me down
To leave it, believe it
Leave it all behind

Lift me, lift me
I attain my dream
I lost myself, I lost them
Heartache calling me
I lost myself in sorrow
I lost myself in pain
I lost myself in gravity
Memory, leave, leave, leave

That’s what keeps me
That’s what keeps me
That’s what keeps me down
To leave it, believe it
Leave it all behind

(…)

“Leave” is on the soundtrack of “A Life Less Ordinary” (1997), a movie with Ewan McGregor and Cameron Diaz. It was written by John Hodge (who wrote the screenplay for Trainspotting) and directed by Danny Boyle (who also directed Trainspotting and Slumdog Millionaire). I always tend to forget how much I actually like that movie. To me, it is magical. It is funny, tragic, sad… And it has a great soundtrack.

My day was long and filled with lots of work. 11 hours today. Usually, I work 20 hours in one week… I guess this week; I am making over time. I am reminded of how much I love my work, though. I am doing stuff with the kids, random things, and I am reminded how fun this is and that I really like it, I wouldn’t want to change it, even if I complain a lot. Unfortunately, the many hours I put in last Friday and today are taking a toll on my shoulder. It’s in pain again. I will have to see how much longer I can keep the pace.

Wish me luck for tonight, finding sleep was hard these last days.

Tomorrow is the National Holiday in Luxembourg. When Corona is not paralysing the world, we celebrate our Grand-Duke’s birthday on June 23rd. (Even though his real birthday is in April – 16th, 1955)

Good night…

song of the day

Elen – 5 Meter Mauern

From the record “blind über rot” (Universal Music) which will be released tomorrow – June 19th, 2020. Elen is a young German musician from Germany who started out as a busker. A talent scout found her on the streets and persuaded her to take part in the German version of The Voice. She got as far as the Battles where she was eliminated. From there her career took off.

This song is about someone who has built walls around themselves. There should be a palace, but it became an inescapable prison; no one gets in and no one gets out. She describes the feeling of not being able to be alone for fear of hearing one’s own thoughts too much.

Many people know this, I do too.

I know, listening to music in a foreign language is weird, but for many it is normal. Enjoy… 🙂

That intro though…

Can we take a moment to acknowledge the absolutely brilliant intro to “Money for Nothing” by the band Dire Straits?

The song was on the album “Brothers in Arms” (Warner Bros, 1985). Mark Knopfler had support from Sting to do the vocals of the song.

I grew up hearing this album, and I never gave it much thought. Just like the song that is still on the radio quite a bit. Unfortunately, they rarely play the intro on the radio. It starts with Sting singing in his falsetto “I want my MTV”, in the background Synths hint at the melody of the guitar in quite a Pink Floyd-esque manner. The drums kick in and with that, the famous guitar solo that is repeated throughout the song takes us in.

Now, I know the song has some controversial lyrics and apparently, as I read moments ago, is banned in Canada for the use of the word “faggot” since 2011. Money for Nothing was written in 1985, I won’t make up excuses for it, but we were less educated and less tolerant of diversity back then. At the same time, the song is about guys watching music videos and making snarky comments about what and who they are seeing. The use of the slur shows the jealousy of the men watching TV.

By the way, Money for Nothing was the first song ever played on MTV Europe in 1987.

That intro though… Phew.

A song… For now

Roger Cicero – zieh die Schuhe aus

“Swing when you’re winning” was an album by Robbie Williams. This, however, is Roger Cicero. This song was released in 2006. Roger passed away at the age of 45. He had a stroke. There are more popular songs than this one, but I heard it tonight, and it is a right earworm. In the chorus, he sings, “put your shoes on, take the trash out. Watch the kid, and tidy up. Don’t stay out late. Not later than one pm. I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t know what it means.” It’s quite funny. In the verse he sings that he is a woman’s man and that he can have them all because he is such a stud, he lists all the things he is and knows, But he has a girl at home, and it leads to the chorus. In the end, it just affirms that we look at ourselves differently than other people. So, if you enjoy a bit of modern jazz and aren’t afraid of it being sung in German by a brilliant vocalist, listen to this one.

Memory lane

Today, I saw that an old post from November 2017 was read a couple of times – today. I am not one who looks at the stats all day long, but I noticed this because it is a special post to me. (That said, I usually take a moment in June to reflect on the first half of the year on the blog… Expect a post about that soon)

I remember that particular post from November very well. I remember exactly when I wrote it and why. I know what happened before and what happened after.

https://wp.me/p2ZT5k-392

It’s quite painful to read all of these words again. They were at the beginning of a dark and depressive phase in my life and I am not completely out of the woods yet. I have been fighting and struggling for three years.

Recently, I discovered that I am actually a mediocre writer at best. I keep repeating the same words and phrases; I keep replaying the same scenes and moments. And my writing became dull. Unimportant. Irrelevant.

There are many many amazing writers out there. There are musicians who write lyrics so powerful that they make the listener tear up.

I am not one of them. Not anymore.

Not anymore.

I am sorry.

I lost my most important muse and stopped listening to the music that makes me feel. It is as if I am overwhelmed all the time, yet numb too. It is as if I am censoring myself and hiding behind the mask of the person I am expected to be.

I am exhausted. I haven’t slept properly in four days. And I can’t do it anymore.