I woke up because Bernie – the crow, couldn’t stop making noise. I am irritated and annoyed at the world right now.

I could reach out to friends, but I don’t want to bother them with my bad mood. And apart from that, I am pretty invisible.

Tell me something nice, if you read this. 💜

Have a good Saturday

Yesterday (movie)

I went to see Yesterday today. And what can I say? I am torn. On one hand, the movie is funny and filled with music we know and love. On the other hand, there are too many questions left unanswered. In the end, I can say that I enjoyed “Yesterday”. I liked the main actor, and his singing voice was very pleasant. It is a typical Richard Curtis movie… And it reminds you that a world without the Beatles would be empty and silent. Then again, if we never knew they existed, we wouldn’t miss them.

Go see that movie, if you have a chance, but don’t question it too much. It’s only entertainment.

4 years ago

It was a Wednesday when the light left your eyes, and your soul left your body.

I can remember that day so very well… I lost a bright star in my life. Jamie’s loss left a huge gape in my heart, in my soul.

My best friend passed away 4 years ago. And although the pain is not as dominant as it was, there are reminders everywhere. And some make me smile, and some make me sad.

Jamie left a void in this world. But the world keeps spinning as if it didn’t care nor matter.

Here we go again…

I write, and I delete.

I decided to cut back on work; doing less over time. I love my job. I am passionate about it, and I believe that I am good at it. I am a brilliant pedagogue. But you know, I signed a contract in which was stated that I work part-time (50%), then I was asked to add six hours, which I gladly did; and when my colleague announced that she is pregnant and was removed from the nursery, I did what was best for the team and the kids, I took a big chunk of her hours (which are paid nicely). I am at 98% now. At first, it was all good, but later I noticed that my family and mostly the kids are the ones who suffer the most. I am not there when they leave for school and 4 out of 5 days, I am not home when they come back. That’s not good. It’s not right. It’s bad parenting, and I don’t want to be a bad mom. So, I decided to cut back and not take on any overtime for a while. My boss already knows. The problem is, I have trouble saying No when I am asked if I can work this or that schedule on top of my own. I see my immediate teammate, and I see the kids and the parents. They all need routines. They need to know that I am present and that I know what I am talking about. During these last months (when I was working more) I also noticed that I was hiding quite a bit. I had my ideas and ideologies, but I had the least hours – I gladly let the others make the decisions and I followed.

I hate making decisions. I am a people-pleaser. Yes, I am opinionated, but I want to be fair and see to it that everyone enjoys the best possible outcome out of my decisions. Alas, that is not feasible. It is a fantasy to believe that everyone I cross likes me and that I treat everyone with the same gentle kindness and humility. I am not always nice. Sometimes, I am a real bitch.

All this to say… I hope that the quality of my writing will improve when my workload lessens. I have too many migraines, and I am too tired to create truly unique and special pieces. Although, from the recent posts, I liked 818 quite a bit.

Next week, I will be without kids. I will have an entire day to myself when the kids are still at summer camp, and I took a day off work.

(of course I have a doctor’s appointment that day, and I will have to lie still for a couple of hours… But hey… That is me-time too!)

Stay positive. ❤

My friend sent this to me, and I immediately said that this is her. She replied that it is me. And maybe she is right. Some day’s, I am magic. And so are you. ❤

In the blink of an eye

Awoken by the sound of an eyelash shed from its safe home;
Floating to the pillow that which is loaded with secret dreams and memories
A puff of sleepy breath prolongs its descend into oblivion,
Hiding it from the world; making it disappear – as if it didn’t mean anything at all.