Tonight…

I am still on leave at work, but this last week, I was at the nursery daily. So much to do, so little information from the government and our bosses. We, as the pedagogical team, need to think about every detail in order to make our restart work… It is frustrating, but I am very motivated to work with the kids again. I miss it and I regret that I don’t have more hours. But in the end, I need to think about myself and my health too – my shoulder is not healed and hurts after a day’s work but, it will be okay. I did good at work this week… I am proud of myself. ☺

Tonight, I am enjoying a drink, some music and the ambient light from this book-light.

All will be well. There are people looking out for me. I see you. ❤❤❤

songs of the night

Backyard Babies – nomadic

From the self-titled album “Backyard Babies” that was released in 2006 on BMG. Backyard Babies are a Swedish punk band with eight studio albums under their belt. Their debut “Diesel & Power” was released in 1994. (on Megarock)

The lead singer and guitarist Nicke Borg Homeland released several solo records, as did Dregen (guitarist).

Nicke Borg Homeland – end of the rainbow

(Ruins of a riot, 2013 – gain records)

Enjoy some punk on this Friday night.

xx

come on, go!

I let you get to me

And now I am broken.

Do you know I wasn’t happy there?

In the shower, in the kitchen,

I was never myself

And I hate this feeling

I was never my own.

I said we’re done

But you came back to catch me.

Did I ask to be saved?

Quit playing these games.

And if I crawl home

Hiding underneath the street lamps

My sins will be concealed.

I reek of all the things I didn’t do.

Strange times – it could be worse.

On a leash, in a line

Almost forty years and my demise is near.

Carved in skin – made a of love

Falling off a mountain…

I will fly. I swear I will.

My last remaining decisions.

Who knew?

song of the night (Wednesday)

Foo Fighters – times like these

From the album “One by One” (2002, RCA records)

My husband is a big Foo Fighters fan, as is his sister. I am not so sure about them. Something never touched me. Maybe the songs are too produced? Maybe the band is too hyped? I don’t know. Am I allowed to say that I don’t really like the Foo Fighters? What I like is that Dave Grohl is allowed to show his talents, whereas, in Nirvana, he was only the drummer, here he can show off that he is a talented multi-instrumentalist, singer, and songwriter. He knows how a song should sounds. He knows what works…

Enjoy the song.

xx

song of the night

Bruce Springsteen – if I should fall behind

From the album “Lucky Town” (1992, Columbia Records). Curiously, Bruce Springsteen released two albums “Human Touch” and “Lucky Town” on the same day. (March 31st, 1992). Apparently, work on “Human Touch” was delayed and shelved. In late 1991, Bruce returned to the studio to write one more song for that record, but he came up with ten new songs and “Lucky Town” was made. It is considered the tenth studio album of Bruce Springsteen and his band – the E Street Band.

The music of New Jersey born musician grew on me lately, until I noticed that he is one of the artists with the most songs in my Spotify Daily Mix playlist. I was quite surprised, but it is a fact. I guess, I was unaware of it because my favourite songs from the Boss are from different albums.

I like that Bruce is telling stories with his songs and some are just so very heartbreaking. Every song is like a short story.

###

I am still here… Just tired and getting back in the mindset of returning to work. New rules and regulations are issued daily, and we as de educators need to adjust the material at the nursery but also organise the rooms and spaces. So, I worked yesterday at that, and today new information came forward from the government, and everything had to be changed again. I am passionate about my job, and I am looking forward to working again… But this is draining. I wake up at night, remembering things I forgot and make notes… That’s not healthy. I am working overtime – of course, until at least mid-July, and then we will see how everything will change then again. But it is okay; my presence is needed. I am tired. It is early, but I am off to sleep. Good night dear people. And thank you for checking in ever so often. xx

beautiful beginning

The clouds gathered above my head,

I shook my hair, refusing to accept that I was mad

And the rain began soaking my naked body

My nose rose in defiance; yes, I was that snotty

Roots grew out of my feet, keeping me steady

One, two, three. I felt it in my bones; I was ready

I wasn’t drowning; I was nurtured and growing

And time and space was slowing (down)

My head fell back, and my arms rose against the gloomy sky

Fuzzy images behind my eyes; suggestive lies

Victorious at last, my skin was washed clean

Memories of who I was and where I’d been

My unquiet mind was reeling from this new emotion

Life passing by in slow motion

A new seed was beginning to grow

Goodbye. Hello.

******

Written for Peckapalooza (Aaron), who posted a prompt on his blog, The Confusing Middle. I don’t want to commit to writing for every prompt, but this is a beginning, and sometimes, prompts help to get the creative juices flowing.

Head over to his blog and take a look. I think you will like it. Also, if you want, write for the prompt ‘beginning’ and share it in the comments.

I hope you are well—lots of love to you.

song of the day (Wednesday)

Depeche Mode – the things you said

This song was on the sixth studio album by Depeche Mode, called “Music for the Masses” it was released in 1987 (Mute Records).

I like Depeche Mode a lot. The first CD I ever bought from my own money was “Songs of Faith and Devotion”. That was in 1993 and after that, I invested some money to buy more of their albums. I think the only record missing from my collection is the latest release “Spirit” (2017, Mute Records). I like Martin L Gore’s songwriting, and his voice too (songwriter, guitarist, keyboarder…). He is an amazing vocalist and a layered person, who also sings this song (and others of my favourite DM songs).

Please enjoy.

xx

all the things you said

“Marriage material,” you called me, and I don’t know what to make of it. Five years of back and forth, and it took a pandemic for you to see and understand what I already knew years ago. All the sweet talk and the admission of your flaws; of course, it makes me fall for you again. I am trying to keep my heart out of it all, but I can’t. Your place in my heart and in my soul is set. And you are in my mind. All the time. Because of that, our phone calls, the phone sex, it is intense. Mindblowing. More than satisfying. And you like that. I know you do. I like it too. But I can’t make time for you all the time. I have to plan around my family. But man, I miss you, and yes, you are right, I owe you a couple of cums. You are insistent, rightly so. Is it because of an earlier claim? Months ago, you said that I am the only one who can make you cum these days. The last times you got in touch was always with the same question, you say that you can’t forget me. “Why can’t I forget you?” you asked, and I asked, “Why should you want to forget me?” “I can’t,” you said. “I can’t let you go.” And that was that. You made plans for a shared future, said you could move over here. I said that I am complicated, and you asked why and how. The first time ever, you said that you like me and that I don’t scare you. All these texts, they did things to me. And I realise that I am the scared one. I am afraid to be hurt by you, but even more, to hurt you. I cannot be who you want me to be. Not all the time. And I am still under the impression that you don’t want to know more about me. I told you that I need a lot of time for myself and to write and all that “No problem, I will be on tour,” you answered. “As long as you aren’t nagging. I never start arguments in relationships.” And I would never nag, I never start arguments either. You mentioned my kids and that you are good with them. You could practice your French or German with them. “We seriously have a fucking chance. I am not playing.” But I am not sure if I can trust you. It makes me sad. I want this so much. So so much. Five years of come and go. Of back and forth. Of “I don’t care” and “You don’t matter, none of this does.” Words that cut me deep and left wounds – scars. Then the time we should have met in 2017, and you decided to ghost me a week before and months later. All the times you said this had to end because I was holding you back. But you always came back. Silent weeks and months, but you always came back. You changed me. You built me up, and you tore me down, and now, after all these years, I am finally trying to get my head back above water. “I worry about the people I like, and I take care of them,” I reminded you. “Does that mean you like me?” You asked, and it was so sweet and innocent. And I said yes. You shared fantasies of making love to me on your piano… and I want everything you have to offer. But I am not ready to lose myself. I love you. I really do. But not the way you deserve or need to be loved.

song of the day

Charlotte Bridge – the fog

From the album “Steps” (2019, Bonus Noise Records)

Charlotte Bridge is an Italian musician based in Luxembourg. Her dreamy, melancholic sound made me curious. Truth be told, today was the first time I ever heard the name and this song. I like it. I hope you do too.

Cathy

(I had another ‘meh’ day and actually wanted to stay off everything today, but I couldn’t. And so, tonight I shared a poem (or what will be one) and a song. Thank you. xx)