I started a new job on July 1st. I was excited about the chance I was given, and everyone told me how perfect I would be for the job. There was a lot of positive anticipation for my new position. But I felt like a failure because, at first I did not feel any of this and it felt as if others expected more than I was feeling.
The new position: Educator/life coach at a foster home for pregnant teens and underaged mothers.
Everything happened too fast. One moment I was working at a nursery, next surgery for my shoulder was confirmed. Surgery that was the reason I was probably not allowed to go back to my job. I was not sure if I could go back to work with babies – carry them, take care of them, and I felt lost. And so I started looking for a different job. Without expectations or passion. In October (2020), just before my memorable trip to the Netherlands, I had two interviews for a job I did not get in the end. The same company got in touch in March 2021, two weeks after my surgery, and asked if I was interested in an interview. The guys from the first service forwarded my application to the guys who got in touch. I was still unsure about my future and felt as if I had nothing to lose. And I agreed to go. After only one interview (usually, there are at least two in my line of work), I was invited for two trial days. I aced both. The people in charge offered me the job on my second trial day. Everything had to go through human resources to be official, and on the same day, my sick leave was prolonged for two more months, they promised me the job. And the people from the new job said they would wait as long as it would take. A promise is almost like a contract. I resigned from my old position during this time, and if it had fallen through, the new company would have had to cover the damage.
Fast forward to July. I was not ready to leave my old job, but the new one was waiting after almost 7 months of sick leave for my shoulder issues. The first week was hard. I was not fond of it at all. Mostly because I compared it to my old job. But the two are very, very different. I cried a lot the first week. And I think, I needed more time to adjust. I felt like a failure because everyone told me how perfect I was for the position and I did not feel it at all.
Twelve days in today, I had one of my best days there yet. But, I also feel something coming on that will be a bit dangerous or counter-productive. I invest myself too much in my work and want everything to be perfect. This job is not different. If things don’t go the way I expect them to go, I can get very hard on myself.
This job needs people who invest their all, but it also needs people who can step back. I need to find that balance. There are futures at stake if I make a mistake, being too lax or too strict. After only two weeks, though, I proved myself to my new boss in a couple of ways. My way of working is noticed by all of my colleagues because I know my way around the babies, I am relaxed around the teenage moms, and I see or notice things that colleagues working there for years don’t notice anymore. I see work that needs to be done and do it. I ask many questions, but I also share a lot of my own opinions and experience/knowledge too.
I am not sure if I arrived where I need to be, but I don’t think about giving up anymore. We’ll see if that’s the same in two weeks because I will work early shifts straight for the next two weeks (6-3) except Wednesday. And I will be sleep-deprived, for sure.
Please, keep your fingers crossed. I might fall in love with this new job and all the responsibilities that come with it.