Catherine Micqu

Back to square one

Please remember:

Things are gonna get worse before they get better ~Matthew Ryan – Heartache Weather (from the album East Autumn Grim, 2000)~

Now isn’t that the truth. My last post spoke about how I was sinking and slipping and basically that I feel like a loser in every aspect of my life.
In the evening I had a spontaneous invitation to go to the cinema. And I accepted. No big deal. And the movie was so funny. If you have the chance, go see Eddie the Eagle. I enjoyed it a lot. It was exactly what I needed to get my head to stop tormenting me with all those inferiority and inadequacy thoughts.
I came home and felt better. It didn’t last though. A fight and being called a disappointment dulled that moment.

Back to square one tonight for me.

I wish I could breathe. But I can’t. Not when I am locked in. Not when I am molded into someone I am not. Because that brings out the fighter in me. I do have a submissive streak. But not in every aspect of my life.

Sometimes I hate people. And the addict keeps trying to get back in. Fuvk!!

Bush – Prizefighter

(From their best album: The Science of Things, 1999)

I saw Bush once in 2013 (or was it 2012?! can’t remember the year). It was a spontaneous thing to go to their gig when I heard that it wasn’t sold-out. It was early July and so hot. One of the best shows I have ever seen!

Catherine Micqu xx

2 thoughts on “Back to square one”

  1. Truly a sincere and heartfelt post. I to share your sentiments. I have also have taken 1 step forward to just take 10 back. A sickening feeling to say the least. But what stood out to me in your post is you saying for a bit of time the pain was stayed and you found some joy. Which says to me that all is not lost my friend. Your heart remains hopeful, despite your minds lies. I can relate to this tearfully. Like I said before, you will find that which you are searching for.

    P.S. Bush was my ex-wife’s favorite band when we met. And we went to see them on a date in 1999. Which was a great memory I had forgotten.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, all is not lost. But when your friends can’t allow you a couple of hours of fun without them, when they can’t support you when you’re at your lowest, then what’s the point in keeping them in your life?

      I already had what I was searching for, but a lot has changed in the mean time. I changed a lot too.

      Isn’t it amazing how we have a soundtrack for our lives. Many people don’t hear theirs. I am very much in tune with mine 🙂

      Again,all is not lost. And I am a firm believer of light in the dark. I just need to find that spark again. I for myself. Not anyone else. 💜 Thank you my friend. xx

      Liked by 1 person

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