My thoughts are swords that cut my soul until my essence is seeping into the sand and the waves lick my blood until my existence is none and every memory of me is gone.
1. Thank the blogger that tagged you and link their blog to your post.
b) Paul’s questions
1. What do you eat on Christmas?
On the 24th, we have Fondue Bourguignonne. (Fondue with meat cooked in red wine). On 25th, we are invited with my husband’s family, and I don’t know what we’ll have.
Yes, I do. And I am quite good at it.
I don’t know. Santa doesn’t exist here in Luxembourg. We celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.
A purple glass ornament.
I couldn’t say. There are St. Nicola’s here around the 6th of December. A good one is not drunk and loves talking to the kids, keeping the magic alive.
I am very girlie here… I like the Family Stone, and I also like Home for the Holidays. And Miracle on 34th Street.
*Shaking my head No, whispering yes*
No. It takes the fun of unwrapping them
Yes! There is no white Christmas around here… With few exceptions.
No. Every present is chosen with care, even if I don’t like it.
Last Christmas I dreamed of dancing in a winter wonderland.
Here are my 12 Christmas questions:
1. What is your earliest memory about Christmas?
2. How do you spend December 25th?
3. For me, the Christmas season starts when I first hear Last Christmas on the radio; when does the festive season begin for you?
4. Which traditions don’t you like?
5. Do you even celebrate this day?
6. Do you like giving presents?
7. How many kilos will you gain this year?
8. I wrote a post about not liking the festive season for various reasons, do you like or dread December?
9. Do you decorate your home and house?
10. Do you sing Christmas carols around the tree?
11. What is the worst that could happen during a Christmas party at work?
12. What would you get me if money wasn’t an issue?
Enjoy… Looking forward to your answers.
I was asked about my dream job by my trainee at work today.
Currently, I am working as an educator at a nursery. And I love my job. It is very positive and rewarding, even if there are days when four babies are constantly crying for no apparent reason. No child cries without reason. (be it hunger, thirst, pain, boredom, tiredness, filled nappies…). Ask me anything, and I will give you a passionate response.
But this is not my dream job.
Being a writer is not my dream job either.
My dream job was and still is working in drug and HIV prevention. It was my dream from an early age on. I think I was about ten years old when I first voiced my desire to work with drug addicts. (I was only 4 when I decided that I would want to be an educator, there was never a plan B.)
That’s the reason why I chose my career. With my diploma as an educator, I can do many different jobs here in Luxembourg. I can work in nurseries and day care centres. I can work in schools and high schools. I can work with elderly or disabled people. Or… I can work with socially unstable people; with outsiders. These spaces are very few though — the ones at school too; for a different reason.
Truth is, I never dared to work in the field I always wanted to work. When I had my first job, I was already a mom. Being a parent puts many things in perspective. Having people around telling you all about the risks working with these people instead of encouraging you to take a leap of faith is the other thing that always kept me from applying to open positions.
I am easy to manipulate, and maybe I am afraid too. What if I can’t stand the emotional challenges this job would entice? There are no positions vacant any way at this point in time, but maybe I should keep my eyes open?
Close second to the prevention job is being a teacher. Preferably teaching Luxembourgish to foreigners. Or going to schools and reaching the young ones about drug abuse and HIV/AIDS.
Third is (indeed) being a writer who can live off the sales of their book. I only sold one (1) copy of my book in November. I am giving away too many copies, lol.
What is/was your dream job? Would you give up the safety of your current job to find something more exciting, or to do your dream job?
Tell me about it.
PS: I must be amongst the worst writers ever. I even keep misspelling my own name!
Tears of glass are breaking at your feet
Shards of sorrow spreading like a blanket
And I don’t know if I swim or drown.
Rain in my hair
Curls of despair
A soul that’s bare.
The day has come when I have to admit defeat
Over myself – clean cut
I will never again bow down.
This year, these are the top 11 songs I listened to on Spotify. The top 2 are missing though. And they are – drumroll –
Anathema – the beginning and the end
Luke Sital Singh – until the night is done
As you can see, my tastes are varied and random. This is the link to my entire Top 100 streamed songs of 2018. Spotify Top 100 of 2018
Any thoughts about this? Songs you like? Songs you hate? Surprising songs in this list?
Have a lovely week.
I was not a happy child — neither my eyes nor my mouth smile here. The picture was taken on a day trip with school. I must have been 7 or 8 years old. It must be one of the only pictures of me where I am wearing earrings. My father went with me and my sister to get the ears pierced. I can’t remember it well, but soon after, I developed the worst allergic reaction on my earlobes and ever since no one is allowed to touch my ears. I can’t stand anyone whispering in my ears; I even flinch when doctors touch them.
I look at myself in this picture and want to hug the child. I want to tell her that someone is there for her and loves her unconditionally. I want to say to her that the worst is yet to come, but she will survive that too. I want her to know that it is okay to be afraid and to cry. And I want to tell her that she can speak with others, they will not laugh at her.
Recently, we had a school reunion. A WhatsApp group was created, and pictures were sent back and forth. And I was taken aback with how sad and lonely I looked on most pictures. It makes me wonder all the more why nobody helped this poor innocent child. Look at her. She could have been someone else entirely, with a little love and support.
I am not saying that the girl grew up to be nothing or no one. But I would be more confident, maybe even less conflicted if things had been different.
Considering the emotional blackmail and the psychological abuse I suffered as a child, I turned out to be a remarkable human being.
Comparing both pictures, it is hard to believe that the child and the woman are the same… The child is still inside. Silently wishing everything would be alright. Hoping that if she pleases everyone around her, and if she does whatever they ask of her, they will show how that they love her and are proud of her.
I am proud of the little one. She may be weak once in a while, be she is also a fighter. She was on the verge of giving up multiple times, but she never did. The child grew up the be a free spirit. Intelligent, sensual, beautiful inside and out, and much more.
I wish you a great weekend.
Tell someone you love them…
- My kids (hearing them laughing, being silly with them, but also having deep and meaningful discussions with them)
- Movies (comedies, dramas, thrillers, 80s movies)
- My job (educator at a nursery)
- The colour purple
- White wine
- Hot baths
- Chats with my favourite person on messenger 💜
- The wind in my hair
- Jean-Paul Gaultier Classic pour femme
- Dark humour
- Pictures (taking them and looking at them)
- Converse All Stars (I own a few pairs – blue, purple, green, red, yellow, grey, rainbow…)
- Driving fast (when I am the driver)
- Loud music
- Receiving letters, mail, or postcards
- Smooth skin
- Hairy men
- Green eyes
- Special jewelry (like the bracelets from MyIntent, or the pentacle I wear daily)
- Black coffee
- Black clothes
- My yellow g-shock (solar…)
- Incense sticks (preferably sandalwood)
- My bed and my pillow (which has a distinct smell that helps me fall asleep)
- Opinions and discussing them
- Vegetables (I don’t like fruit)
- Feeling needed
- Feeling loved
- The moon
- Reading blogs
- Live music
- Boiled eggs
- Reading horoscopes (I am an Aquarius)
- Intelligence and intellect
- Massages (receiving them)
- Chosen silence and alone-time
- Chinese food and sushi
- Limited editions
- Signed or personalised books or CDs
- Salted caramel
- Going to the movies
- My country (the sole remaining Grand-Duchy in the world)
- That there are people from all around the world reading my words (it humbles me – thank you)
- Little things and gestures done without any need or wish to be repaid
- Assembling IKEA furniture
- My eyes (brown and expressive)
- My voice
- Sleeping in
- Supporting people who deserve it (in my own opinion)
- Having my facts straight
- Selfies on a good day
- Sitting outside on a summer night
- Game night with the kids
- My published poetry book
- Crying while watching movies
- My hair colour
- My unquiet mind
- The days when I feel beautiful
- Having a drink and a smoke with my friends on a night out
- Realising that there are many things that make me happy
- Offering presents
Thank you for reading this far. 💜
Throwback to 2016 when I wrote this list. It’s been a long time, and I updated it somewhat — not a lot.
Can you relate?
Without fear of being judged (read: with near panic like fear of being judged) I will try to come up with 101 things I don’t like.
1. The colour orange
3. The cold weather
7. Christmas songs and decorations in November
9. Being ordered around
10. People who don’t say thank you
11. Rude people
12. Unanswered questions
16. The sound of my alarm clock
17. Being tickled
18. Being taken for granted
19. Negative people
20. Emotional vampires
21. Instruments that are out of tune
22. Cocky people
24. Drivers not setting the turn signal
25. Wondering if my English is good enough and if others understand what I am trying to say
26. Doubting myself
27. People who make lots of noise when they are eating (!! Important one)
29. Killing animals – even flies
30. Not being taken seriously
31. People who aren’t getting the job done right
33. The smell of vomit
34. Touching door handles in public spaces
35. Not seeing anything at a concert
36. Payment declined – for no reason
37. Forgetting my pin code
38. Water touching my ears (anything touching my ears)
42. The smell of cold smoke
43. Sprite or any sweet beverage
44. Anything bitter
45. Having a stuffed nose
46. Being surprised
47. Offering presents
48. Shopping for clothes
51. Saying goodbye
53. Gory horror movies
54. Going to church
55. Thinking about negative things
56. Mess left by the kids after eating nuts or grains
59. Long fingernails
60. Not having enough sleep
61. Chanel no 5
62. Visiting a home for disabled people
63. The sound of chalk on a blackboard
64. Expensive rents or mortgages
65. Working in a garden
66. Sketching, drawing, painting
67. Pens that aren’t working
68. Coffee with sugar
69. My double chin
71. Hairy feet
72. Star wars
73. Harry Potter
74. Lord of the rings
75. The way eyes itch from allergies
76. Almonds and nuts
77. Bread (with the exception of French baguette)
78. No toilet paper when I am on the loo
80. Forgetting to save my work when I just wrote 500+ words
81. 0 likes on stories or poems I thought turned out great; 21 likes on mediocre poems or stories
82. Questions with obvious answers
84. Talking bad behind someone’s back
85. Losing track of people who once were an important part of my life
86. Wasting time (mine and the time of others too)
87. Forgetting things
88. Broken promises
89. Being unable to speak straight sentences lately (stuttering, not finding the right words)
91. Being late (me or people being late)
92. Being intense
94. Fishing for more things I dislike
95. No network or wifi
96. Social media knows everything about us (bye bye Facebook)
97. Being watched while crying
98. Being stared at
99. Not knowing how other people are seeing me
101. That I found 100 things I dislike…
Are you surprised? Why? Now, what do you think?
Alex Clare is the one that got away. I like his music. Not all of it, but some of it. Years ago, I had tickets to see an unplugged show of his at my favourite venue. My friend cancelled our plans last minute and I was not ready to see a concert on my own. If I could rectify that situation, I would. Such a talented guy with a great voice…
I hope you enjoy these songs too.
I am fine
When I go to bed
I am fine
When I wake up
I am fine
Every hour of the day
I am fine
Whenever you ask
I am fine;
I say, even when I am not.
And it is not a lie per se. I am fine enough. I am well enough to function, and it seems to be all that matters.
And it is not a lie when the important people ask. I am fine. I am well. I am happy in the presence of the people who matter.
I will be fine
This is not the end of my line
My light will shine
Because there doesn’t have to be a sign
To remind me what is mine
I am fine.