Alive ’20

I can feel my heart beating again
The moon lights my way
as the wind blows every part of me back into myself
I fell down into a magical land
and emerged as someone new
Show me where you are – I show you where I stand.
I can feel my heart beating again. I am alive!

Song of the day

Once again, I share my happy song with you all… The song that makes me smile from ear to ear. And I shared it time and time before…

I spent the day outside with my youngest daughter. We set up our inflatable pool and spent most of the day in the water, playing and goofing around, but we also had some serious conversations. My middle daughter and my son didn’t make it outside.

Tonight, I made dinner, and after that, we played a round of Trivial Pursuit. And later, we watched music videos on YouTube. We made an entire playlist. My older kids went on their way again, but my youngest stayed put, and we ended our day with the above song. *sigh*

It was a really nice day – apart from the slight sunburn on my back because my youngest was too eager to get into the pool to put lotion on momma’s back 🙂

It is all well, though. No work until August 25th! Yay!

Insomnia, dear stranger

It’s 2:45 in the morning, and I am wide awake. This hasn’t happened in a while and I feel how my mood is changing. I am irritated with myself because I am to blame for tonight’s insomnia. I was tired but had an appointment tonight. I thought it would be good to have a cup of coffee. I should have drunk espresso instead. No matter how many espressos (espressi?) I drink in the evening, I always sleep through the night.

Also, it is hot, my partner had too much beer (TMI: his farting keeps me awake), and I need to get up for work in three hours.

I tried avoiding my phone for a long while, but gave up eventually. I probably had 2 hours of sleep so far.

On a positive note, I sold two books, and the more I think about it, the happier I about the release. Just 3 more hours at work, and I will be on leave until August 25th. I bought a dress for a wedding, it is unusually colourful, but I look good in it. Waiting for the first review of my novel.

Most of my thoughts these days revolve about the novel and how readers perceive it.

I should try to catch some sleep.

***

Dear Stranger,

It is late, and I can’t sleep. You were on my mind these last days. A lot. All the time. It is good that we are strangers right now, but once in a while, I would love it if we were acquaintances again. Ah, stranger. If you only knew what I know. Am I awake in your dreams? Some nights, I dream myself away to you. My head on your chest, your fingers combing my hair. Sweaty from the day, our skin would stick together, and unbothered, we would lead a naked life. Naked body, naked soul. I close my eyes, and I see you. Always yours, “marriage material”

3:32 – goodnight

And finally…

I first shared about my intention to publish my novel early this year, but a couple of setbacks made me drop my imaginary deadline.

Then last week, I didn’t have to go to work because there was no work for me left to be done… I was angry. Very much so. I felt useless and unneeded – and those are things similar to rejection – I can’t deal with them. I had to do something, and I dove into my manuscript for Heart of Stone. There was still a lot of work to do, and I did it. It took many hours, but in the end, I got it done, and I think/I hope there aren’t any typos left.

Upload, publish done.

That was the easy part. The cover had been done long before – I designed it myself, with a picture I took myself too. The picture inspired the title of the book.

The hard part was sharing with the world that I had written a novel that is almost 300 pages long. (291 pages of story). But, with a little shove and a lot of convincing, I did it. I shared on Instagram, on Twitter, and on FB. FB is the scariest because there is only family and people I really really really like. Their opinion matters.

And wouldn’t you know? They didn’t even ask about a synopsis, they simply asked where to buy the book. They will be surprised to read an English same-sex romantic novel. But, that they offered some support, albeit driven by curiosity, that means the world to me.

By now, Heart of Stone is available as paperback and ebook on Amazon worldwide. Mid-August, I will receive 10 copies that I can share and send around the world. One is already spoken for. 9 are left.

Heart of Stone – paperback version on amazon.com

Heart of Stone – kindle version on amazon.com

(Clicking the links will lead you to amazon.com – you will leave this site.)

I am proud of this achievement. It took me a while to come to terms with it, but yes, I did it. The first copy of the book went to the UK, to North Wales. That man bought his copy before I even told the masses that my book existed, and before I had the chance to correct the final typos. His copy of Heart of Stone is truly unique. And I will never forget his generosity and kindness.

Now, I will have to see if I can come up with a next book. There is only one older story of mine that deserves to be made into a paperback, but I am not sure if it will ever happen. Every Second, Forever. It is about a man who catches HIV and his journey through life, living with the virus. But, that book was written even before Heart of Stone, and therefore it is out of date. We’ll see what will happen.

Heart of Stone – it is out now, ready for your eyes. It will hit you right in the feels, I promise.

Sunday Scribblings #12 – immortal

This week, Aaron gave us the following prompt: immortal.

I didn’t write anything new, but it reminded me of an image I created and shared recently.

Polish_20200724_170224231.jpg

The black background is a close-up of a vinyl record. The dots are the flash of my mobile camera, and the words and the name are mine.

I write a lot of fiction, but some of it is inspired by people in my life or those who are not in my life anymore. When I wrote the above quote, I thought about a special man who taught me many valuable lessons over the years and who will forever have that special place in my heart. And because he has that special place inside my heart, he is immortal. I write about him, about who he was to me and how he made me feel. I fantasise about what could have been and what never was.

When I think of you while I write, then you will become immortal too. Like Aaron who shares questions, reviews, these writing prompts, and much more on his blog.

I believe that it takes a long while to be truly and completely forgotten. Everything we do has an impact on the people around. Isn’t that a nice and scary thought?

Or, as the Austrian Post-Rock band Our Ceasing Voice said: The only ones dead (are those who are forgotten)

(From the album “When the Headline Hit Home” 2011)

Celebration

As of today, I am a published author. Everything fell in place much faster than anticipated, and today, my novel went live.

For now, only available as paperback via Amazon worldwide.

amazon.com

There are only ten signed copies available through this blog. First come, first served.

The Ebook- version will follow, but I had some troubles with my laptop today and I gave up. Instead, I chose to celebrate my achievement.

But, here it comes: I am scared, almost a wreck, to be honest. It’s very different from when I published my poetry, I was more confident then.

But, my novel is good. The writing is good and the story too. I believe in my story.

So… Celebrate with me the release of my first novel, Heart of Stone. Buy it, read it, love it.